A Guardian Angel's Broken Wings
by sterober
Summary: A case pushes Jane far beyond her capacity; the guardian angel's wings get broken. Who better to mend them than a doctor? Our ladies embark on a journey of adventure and discovery. What things could they possibly uncover? Chapter thirteen and on may contain M rated material. F/F. Characters are not mine.
1. The Y-Incision

**A/N**: Angst warning. I promise it won't stay this way. Fluff is in the future!

* * *

I have done this so many times; I'm almost positive I could do it with my eyes closed. If I weren't such a literal person, I'd say I could do it in my sleep.

There are six stages to an autopsy. These stages allow a medical examiner to gather and record all available data, then present it in such a way that it provides answers and evidence. The steps are meticulous, from the initial exam to the final punctuation in the conclusive report.

However, where the body is concerned, an autopsy starts and ends with the Y-incision.

I finish stitching the skin of my current patient back together and then take a step away to survey my work.

_**This **_is something that I have done _**too**_ many times. Far too many times.

She is too small, too young, and just too innocent to be on this sterile table in this cold examination room.

Her name is Lacy, she is just a child, and I hate that she is here. I hate that I've had to further mar her porcelain skin with my procedures and I hate that her own father beat the life out of her; the signs of his violence and her suffering so evident on every inch of her body.

This should not have happened.

She was in this very building only a few days ago; alive, hopeful, and so much stronger than any six year old should ever have to be.

She should have been placed in state custody. If she had, this _**would not**_ have happened.

Tragically, and for some ungodly reason, she was given back to _**him**_. He was a grieving husband after all. His spouse had been viciously murdered only the week before and he 'just needed to be with his daughter'. That's all he wanted and that is what he was granted.

Then he killed her...just like he killed his wife.

There was "Just not enough evidence to know for sure.", not enough facts to keep the child out of his control.

But someone _**did**_ know for sure.

Jane knew.

I had watched as the detective kept little Lacy company for hours in the bullpen. The two talked and giggled and consumed far too many sugary substances while the murderous man and his attorney, were questioned by Cavanaugh, Korsak, and a social worker.

Jane was so sure that she had presented enough for people to reasonably suspect this man's involvement in his wife's death. She didn't believe there was any possible way that they would charge the child back to his care. She was even trying to formulate a way to apply for temporary custody, to make absolutely certain that Lacy was safe and not just thrown into the first available spot in the social care system.

However, the father eventually appeared at Jane's desk with his expensive lawyer and two solemn looking detectives in tow. He called his child to him.

I thought the detective was going to draw her weapon and shoot him on the spot.

The level of composure she outwardly demonstrated surprised me, but I could see the fury in her eyes. However, as she began to come to terms with the inevitability of the situation, anger quickly gave way to desperation.

Jane begged. I'm not sure I have ever seen my best friend, the strongest woman I have ever known, beg for anything. Ever. But she begged and pleaded for someone to do _**something**_ about the fact that a murderer was walking out of a Boston precinct with a six year old in his arms.

Her eyes were shining and she was shaking like a leaf when she turned to her lieutenant and asked 'why'.

He stared at the floor like he was trying to burn a hole in it and answered through clenched teeth.

"Just not enough evidence to know for sure."

She almost cried. I'm sure she did later that evening, in the privacy and solitude of her home.

I hardly spoke to Jane those few days and only caught a few glimpses of her rushing through the halls of the building. The wife's body had been virtually wiped clean of forensic evidence, so I was rendered fairly useless. This meant that the detective was busying herself in other avenues of investigation.

She had worked constantly to try and find the proof that would allow her to lead the Calvary into action and save a child who was in such obvious danger. I doubt that the determined detective slept at all. On several occasions I had left food and water on her desk, only to return several hours later to find the items untouched. I was waiting for the call that would alert me to the fact that Jane collapsed from exhaustion, hunger, and dehydration, but it never came.

Lacy's father was very well educated, very charming, and very good at covering up his actions. He was also extremely wealthy and hired one of the most successful defense attorneys in the City of Boston the moment Jane questioned his whereabouts on the night his wife was killed. It made the process of procuring information tedious and time consuming.

Despite the odds against her, Jane almost had him. In two days, she had done the work of six detectives and it nearly paid off.

But it didn't.

I was not with her when the news about Lacy reached the station this morning. A message came through my email alerting me to the body's impending arrival. I rushed up to Jane's desk in a futile attempt to find and console my very best friend, but as I expected, she was not there.

There was nothing left for Jane in this case; no justice to be served. After killing his daughter, the perpetrator shot himself in the head. He had awarded himself a quick and painless death...something he did not deserve...something he did not give his child.

I returned to my office in time to receive Lacy's body and I immediately prepped for the autopsy.

As I stood beside her little figure, dressed in my scrubs, I took a moment to look at her. Angry red and purple marks covered her skin...that disgusting man had used her as a canvas to paint his terror.

I picked up my scalpel and readied myself for the most thorough and respectful examination that I have ever performed.

I caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of my eye; a figure through the observation window. I turned my head.

Jane was standing there, looking through the glass. I had no idea how long she had been present. I watched her stare at the little one on my table and something inside of me broke. All of me broke. I had never, and prayed that I would never again, see someone look so haunted and defeated.

I placed my scalpel back on the instrument stand and turned my body toward her. It took every ounce of strength I had to keep from breaking down.

She tore her eyes from my patient and met my gaze. I couldn't stop the sob that escaped my control. Jane looked so completely finished. She is the most important person in my life...but it looked like she had lost her soul. Those eyes that were normally so expressive, whether they were expressing happiness, anger, sadness, or pain, held no emotion at all. They were empty of everything.

I took a step forward, but I lost my balance and had to catch myself on a nearby table. I couldn't feel my legs; my entire body had gone completely numb. When I regained my composure, I looked back toward the window.

Jane had left.

I hazily walked into my office and called Korsak from my work phone. He informed me that Frost, Frankie, as well as himself would be taking shifts keeping a 24 hour watch on the detective for the next few days. They had witnessed the same Jane that I had and were just as disturbed.

Lacy is in cold storage now.

I am redressed and putting the finishing touches on her report. It is the truth of what happened, the details of the sickening way in which she died. It is the last thing I will ever be able to provide for this beautiful, but extinguished, life.

Tonight, I will go home, eat something, drink plenty of water, and meditate. I will begin the process of sifting through everything that I have had to compartmentalize over the course of the past several days. When I am satisfied with my state of mind, I will do my best to go to sleep.

I will do all these things for myself tonight, because tomorrow, I need to help Jane.

* * *

**A/N:** Okay. This was a lot more angst-filled than I had intended, but it's just the way the chapter came out. The tension will continue, but it won't last too much longer. You see, I take up permanent residence in Fluffville. I will venture outside my town to visit Angst City every once in a while...but not very often and never for an extended period of time. We'll work our way back to my fluffy little home and pick up Rizzles along the way. Thank you so much for taking the time to read! It really makes my day! Hope you enjoyed the chapter! -SJR


	2. Ravel

**A/N:** If you want to really set the mood for this chapter, you might want to get on youtube and pull up Maurice Ravel's 'Piano Concerto' (movement II), and/or Claude Debussy's 'Clair De Lune'. Especially for the bar scene. I listened to this repertoire while I was writing the chapter. What? You don't know these composers?...you don't know these PIECES? Then you MUST youtube them! C'mon, do it! Do it NOW! GET TO THE CHOPPAAAAA!

* * *

It's been five weeks. Five weeks of a person, as cold and lifeless as the corpses in my freezers, walking around in Jane's skin and wearing her face. It is _**not**_ Jane; not the woman I have come to care for so deeply.

She only speaks when spoken to. I haven't seen her eat anything in eight days and I believe she's lost ten pounds. Her usually olive toned skin is pale and it looks like the very next step she takes will be her last; she seems that exhausted.

I try to gently communicate with her. When that goes nowhere, I cry, yell and plead at her, but her reaction is always the same disconnected and indifferent, "I'm fine, Maura.".

She doesn't come out to The Robber. She doesn't come over for movie night or Sunday dinner. I drive by her apartment at all hours of the night and into the morning, but she's hardly ever home. She is absent from every aspect of my life and her own.

I'm sitting in the parking garage right now. It's late and she'll be leaving the office soon...at least I think she will be. I'm not sure where she's going or what she's doing with her nights and evenings, but I plan on finding out.

I'm going to follow her tonight.

I have given her space and time then offer my home and support, but none of it is helping. She's caught in a rip tide that is mercilessly pulling her out to a sea of oblivion.

I refuse to let it happen.

There are several cars in between her's and mine, but I have managed to gain an unobstructed view.

I catch sight of her as she unlocks and climbs into her vehicle. I do my best to adhere to what I know of tailing procedure as I follow her out of the garage and through the city streets.

It takes nearly thirty minutes before she pulls over in a neighborhood that I don't recognize and that I'm not entirely comfortable with. I park about half a block away and watch her step out onto the road. She crosses quickly and slips into what looks to be a 'hole in the wall' bar.

It doesn't surprise me that Jane is treating her depression with alcohol. I'm actually relieved that it's something so predictable.

I wait a few minutes before I exit my car and make my way across the pavement. I stand in front of the door through which Jane entered, gathering my courage, before reaching out to open it.

Before my hand can make contact, the door swings open. I let out a startled yelp as a rather large, scruffy looking young man appears from the darkness of the establishment.

He jumps a little in response.

"Excuse me, Miss. Sorry to say we're closed for the night."

His Boston accent is quite thick and his stature is rather intimidating, but his demeanor and tone of voice are respectful.

"Oh, I'm sorry, but my friend went inside a few moments ago and I was hoping to catch her. I'm sure you saw her?"

He takes a second to look me over and I can tell he's debating whether or not to discuss Jane. I feel like he is trying to protect her.

"How do you know the lady that just came in here?"

I swallow hard against the sadness that tightens around my neck like a noose. I have to clear my throat before I am able to speak.

"We work together. She's...been having a difficult time lately and I'm actually very concerned about her."

I hear the anguish in my own voice and I'm sure he can too.

He lets out a puff of air and brings a hand up to adjust his Red Sox ball cap.

"Yea. She's been comin' here for a couple years now, but lately? Man, she's been real down. I didn't even recognize her when she came in a few weeks ago. Poor dame looks like hell."

My gut twists, but my interest peaks.

"She's been coming here for years? Are you a friend of hers?"

"We've gotten to know each other over time and I know she's good people. She likes to come in and watch the show; one of our regulars. She performs for us every once in a while, too. Ya know, she's pretty good."

I feel bile burn at the base of my throat.

"She performs? What kind of bar is this exactly, Mr...?"

He picks up on what I'm insinuating and smirks.

"Just call me Marco, Miss...?"

"Isles. Maura Isles."

"Well, Miss Isles, this is a jazz bar. The Boston Conservatory is just down this road and to the right a block or two. All the student performers and even some of the faculty come down here to throw back a few and play some great tunes. Jane'll tickle the ivory every now and then. I know she's a cop, so I let her stay and practice after hours when she wants to."

I feel my entire body relax as a large amount of weight is seemingly lifted from my shoulders. It must be pretty visible because Marco quietly laughs.

"Trust me, if my ma caught me anywhere near a strip bar she'd cook my balls for Sunday dinner and make me eat 'em."

I have to laugh at that. My amusement is partly due to that fact that I'm still giddy with relief, but I actually do enjoy and appreciate this man's presence.

"Well, then I would certainly advise you to stay away from prostitutes as well."

This time, his laugh is much heartier.

"Hey, I like you! You can go on in. I'm gonna lock the door behind ya though. Will you two just make sure it shuts all the way when ya leave?"

I smile appreciatively at him.

"Of course. Thank you so much Marco. Have a wonderful evening."

He tips his cap and nods his head slightly.

"Same to you Miss Isles. Have a good one."

He holds the door open for me and I walk through. I vaguely hear him lock up behind me, but my ears are immediately drawn to another sound; a much more appealing one.

It takes a minute for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. The place is much bigger than I would have expected it to be, based on what I saw from the outside. It isn't very wide, but it goes back a ways. The bar is against one wall and a line of booths are against the other, with about an eight foot aisle in between.

I see a faint light coming from the very back of the room. I am enticed forward by the dulcet tones of a melody that I can almost recognize.

At one point, the bar comes to an end, as do the booths, and I am standing in a larger, more open space that is filled with chairs and small tables. There is a slightly elevated stage that houses a baby grand piano with plenty of room left to one side. I'm sure that the remaining space on the platform is utilized to accommodate a small ensemble.

However, what really has my attention is the woman currently playing. It is my Jane. She is slightly hunched over the keys with her face directed down like she's watching her hands, but her eyes are closed. The light over the piano's easel is on even though there is no music sitting on it. Aside from the faint glow of a few exit signs, it is the only illumination in the room. The only sounds in the hall are those of Jane's musical endeavor and the click of my heels on the weathered flooring as I walk.

For the first time in over a month, the detective looks like she is alive.

I can't help but continue my forward progression, like a sailor navigating heedlessly to the call of a siren. I eventually step onto the stage and come to stand right beside her. She continues to play, her eyes keep closed, and there is a peaceful look about her. Her body and face are more relaxed than they have been in much too long.

I'm so happy to witness some expression of life from her that I almost start crying, but I'm afraid to make any noise. I'm worried that I will break the spell that has somehow coaxed my friend back into her own body.

My gaze drops to her hands.

Those hands. They've been so damaged..._**she**_ has been so damaged. Yet here she is. She's not drinking, or smoking, or doing drugs... or stripping. She's using those once broken appendages to conjure a melody that has me on the verge of tears.

Her hands are functional; they weren't at one time, but they are now. They are a reflection of her at this point in her life. She is damaged and barely functioning, but she will get better. She has to.

As far as her playing goes, she's good. Really good. Come to think of it, she is incredible. I wasn't even aware that Jane played piano, much less performed it with the ease and technique of a seasoned professional.

"Debussy?"

I cringe at the sound of my own voice. I truly had intended to remain silent.

The whisper of a smile lifts the corner of her mouth. Her eyes stay closed and she continues to play.

"Ravel."

With only one word, I can tell that her voice sounds a little better. Like she actually cares that she is speaking to someone.

I recognize the piece now. I'm used to hearing it with orchestral accompaniment, but the ensemble's absence does not detract from the beauty of the work.

"Oh...yes, of course. I should have known that."

She chuckles. She actually chuckles and it is not bitter or empty. She feels amusement and I am hopeful because it means that she feels _something_.

"Well, you know, dead French impressionist composers all sound the same."

Her tone is playfully sarcastic. She keeps playing, but opens her eyes. She lifts her head slightly and stares at something beyond the instrument in front of her.

I take the opportunity to sit down beside her on the bench and enjoy her hidden talent.

"You're horrible at secretly following people."

Her tone is 'matter of fact'.

I blush and look away even though her direct attention is not on me.

"Your playing is remarkable. How have I not known about this?"

I return my gaze to her as she answers. I can see a small dimple appear on her cheek as her smile becomes a little more pronounced.

"I took lessons from the time I was five till I got through middle school, but when high school started I was more focused on sports. I played every once in a while, but I really picked it back up when I became a street officer. It helped me decompress after a work day. I started taking lessons again and I still like it. This is one of the biggest things that got my hands working again after..."

Her head bows back down and her eyes slide shut. I hold my breath. She sighs and I know she is going to continue.

"This is therapy. Physical, mental, emotional; it's my way of coping."

"I'm very proud of you, Jane."

I'm not sure why I say it, but it is completely true. Her lids flutter open and she looks at me. This time, her smile is full and genuine and actually manages to reach her eyes.

The Ravel comes to an end and she stops playing. She keeps the tips of her fingers on the ivory and gently glides them over the keys without applying pressure. She's still looking at me.

"I've missed you so much. I've been so worried."

I know that I've just ruined our interaction because her smile falls completely. Then she bows her head and stares down at the keys again. I see a teardrop run from the inner corner of her eye to the tip of her nose and drip onto one of her hands.

"Jane. I'm so..."

Before I can finish my apology, she has begun to play a different melody; one that I recognize immediately.

"Debussy."

She looks at me again and her eyes are shining with the emotion she is trying to keep at bay. Her answer is strained and quiet, like she's on the verge of losing her voice.

"I thought maybe your earlier question was more of a request. 'Clair de Lune' was the piece that brought my hands back. I really wanted to play it in high school but just never took the time to learn it. When I started physical therapy I told myself that I would master it."

"You play it beautifully."

"Thank you."

Her eyes close once more, but her smile returns.

I stay beside her and continue to listen. We are both silent for several minutes.

Happy doesn't accurately describe how I feel right now. I _**am**_ happy, but the emotion has been diluted in a cocktail of hurt, relief, exhaustion, admiration, and a sizable serving of fear. I want this Jane to stay with me and I am scared beyond reason that she will remain at this piano when we leave. I'm afraid that I will exit this building with the cold empty shell that has been breaking my heart since Lacy's death.

The music comes to a close and the final chords echo in the hall. She straightens up and her hands drop to her thighs. Her smile has disappeared and she stares contemplatively into the darkness beyond the stage.

"I need to get out of Boston for a while. I need some space. Everything here, everything that I see or hear or touch...it brings up a bad memory. I need to reset myself, Maur. I need to get away."

I didn't think I could possibly feel any worse than I have been, but the thought of her leaving...it causes a sensation like my heart is being carved out of my chest with a spoon. I honestly believe that she won't come back.

"Let me come with you."

She angles her body toward me and gives me a doubtful look.

"Please, Jane. _**Please**_ let me come with you. I have a place we can go. Let me take you there...let me help."

Tears start to stream down my cheeks and there is nothing I can do to stop them. I bring my hands up to cover my face as I begin to cry. I just know she will deny me. She will leave, she won't come back, and then I'll really have lost her.

Instead of the resounding 'no' that I am expecting to hear, I feel a warm hand on my knee and the pressure of a gentle squeeze. I do my best to calm down.

"Hey. Look at me."

I take a deep breath and let my hands fall. I look into her eyes. They are warmer. The ice that froze her chocolate irises as hard as steel is starting to melt.

"Okay."

"...okay?"

Her response is laden with guilt, uncertainty, but most of all fatigue.

"Okay. I'll come with you...I want to. You mean so much to me and you deserve better than what I've been giving you these past weeks. I can't fix myself here, but I'm not sure I can do it on my own either. You're one of the only people I trust to help me through this and not think less of me by the end."

I can't keep from launching myself forward and wrapping my arms around her. I start to cry into her shoulder.

"Thank you. Thank you so much. I _**will**_ help you; I'll do anything. We can get through this."

It takes a few seconds but she eventually reciprocates my embrace. She begins to rub my back soothingly and utter quiet reassurances that everything will be alright. I find comfort in this, even though I can tell she doesn't believe a word of what she is telling me. For now, the point is not that she _**believes**_ what she says, it is that she _**cares**_ enough to say it.

She pulls back and I reluctantly allow her to.

She lifts a hand to brush a lock of hair from my face and tuck it behind my ear. The tenderness of the gesture causes the ache in my sternum to lessen.

"So tell me doctor...where exactly are you planning on taking me?"

I feel my face light up because I know the perfect location to whisk her away to. She's going to love it. I will do everything in my power to make sure that she does.

"Well, I was thinking we could spend some time in..."

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**A/N:** Oh no. My first attempt at a cliffhanger! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm very grateful for the feedback that I receive and appreciate the time that was taken to supply it! Seriously. THANK YOU! -SJR


	3. Flightpath

Thailand.

She's taking me to Thailand.

It only took fifty-two hours for her to request leave from work for the both of us, make all of our travel arrangements, and pack everything we could possibly need.

She is an incredible woman.

Our family and friends couldn't have been more supportive of our sabbatical. I guess I've been worrying everyone into the ground. It makes me sick with guilt...just another reason I needed to get away.

We're currently somewhere over the Pacific, cruising at altitude aboard her family's private jet. I've never been on one before and it's pretty much _**exactly**_ like I've seen in the movies...except maybe better.

Constance Isles owns a popular art gallery in Bangkok; yet another international connection that this family harbors. Apparently, she has a big showing in a few days and the jet was already scheduled for the trans-pacific flight to deliver a few more pieces that will be on display at the event. Maura simply sent her mother a formal request to be on board and we were set.

We won't be staying in the city for very long. My travel partner has informed me that we'll only be there long enough to recover from our flight and experience a little bit of the culture. As far as our ultimate destination is concerned, I haven't been told much. Maura mentioned a few names of what I assumed to be cities, but I don't know for sure.

Speaking of Maura, she is currently sleeping in my lap.

Well, her head is in my lap anyway.

Since leaving the jazz bar a few nights ago she has kept as close to me as she is logistically, physically, and emotionally able. She's held my hand or linked our arms when we walk. When we sit together she either has her head on my shoulder, her hand on my thigh, or settles herself close enough that she can lean her body against mine.

She's been staying at my apartment and riding around in my car with me. The only times I've been separated from her are when I'm in the bathroom. Even then, she'll sometimes talk to me through the door.

It's like she's afraid that I'll run away if she gives me the chance.

I wouldn't...couldn't really. The thing is, I need her. I didn't realize how dead I had become until she reached me through the tangled web of depression that I was caught in.

Her touch has become my redemption; her presence my salvation. She is a lifeline that I am using to climb back into myself. And so, I don't complain about the constant touching, even though I'm sure she expects me to, I just enjoy it.

We moved to the jet's couch a few hours ago. It didn't surprise me when she grabbed a medical journal, sat down next to me, put her feet up on the cushions, and leaned her back against my side to begin reading.

She claimed to be 'incredibly fascinated' by the article, but she was asleep within five minutes of opening it. I gently slid her down to a more comfortable position; the end result being that my thigh is now her pillow.

I've lost track of the time while taking the opportunity to unabashedly stare at my own personal sleeping beauty. I let my fingers play with tips of her hair and I smile to myself. I'm so grateful. I've made a lot of bad decisions in my life, but somewhere along the line, I must have done something inherently right.

This person is my best friend and I care about her so much. I love her.

I'm in love with her.

The thought doesn't shock me anymore; it's something I came to terms with not long after we established our friendship. However, I resist the overwhelming urge to pursue something more.

Denying my desire for her is like keeping an exotic flower from blooming. The bud is rare and wonderful just as it is...it's unbelievable that it even exists. If opened, its beauty would be beyond words. The happiness and pleasure that it would bring would be indescribable.

But once a flower has blossomed, it is more vulnerable and fragile...and it inevitably begins to wither.

I cannot risk such a scenario with our friendship. I would rather enjoy it as the rare and wonderful bud that it is, than have the audacity to want something more and doom it to an untimely end.

My life without her is inconceivable, so, I keep myself in check. I outwardly love her as much as a best friend should and inwardly love her with an intensity that often causes me physical pain.

Her brow furrows and she starts mumbling in her sleep. The look on her face becomes one of distress.

I use the tip of my pinky to gently caress the worry lines that have formed on her forehead and I quietly shush and reassure her that I am here.

Her face relaxes and she slips back into her peaceful slumber.

I've put her through so much, especially over these last several weeks. I doubt she's gotten much more sleep than I have. She's probably just as tired as me, only she cares more about hiding it from the important people in her life. I know that she has just as much healing to do on this trip as I do.

I will dedicate myself to her needs as much as I'm sure she will dedicate herself to mine.

We will fix each other.

I spare a glance at the little T.V. screen that shows the aircraft's location in its flightpath. Looks like we're about halfway to our destination.

As I resume combing my fingers through silky locks of spun copper and gold, I feel a wave of complete and utter contentment wash over me. Suddenly, I am hit with a craving for sleep that I can't deny.

I support my friend's head as best as I can while I stand up, then snag a nearby pillow to gently set her back down on. I intend to find another location that will allow me to stretch out and I turn around to begin my search.

Before I can get more than three steps away, I hear Maura whimper my name.

I spin back around.

She's still asleep, but the expression on her face is heart wrenching. It looks like someone just ran over her puppy.

She becomes more restless the longer I stand and I make a quick decision. It's risky, but I think it will help both of us rest better.

The couch is wide, so I don't have to scoot Maura over very far as I carefully climb over her. I end up laying on my side; my body sandwiched between the back of the couch and the form of the woman in front of me.

I'm slightly pressed against her, but I manage to keep my hands to myself.

Our interactions as of late have been more intimate than I would normally allow, but at this moment I am much too happy to care.

My couchmate settles once more and releases a satisfied sigh. She whispers a word and I'm not sure if it is a request or command.

"Stay"

Request. Command. It doesn't matter...because I will. I do.

I close my eyes and revel in the contact we are sharing.

Her touch has become my redemption.

Her presence, my salvation.

My eyes stay shut and my face relaxes as dreams of our coming adventures take shape in my impending unconsciousness.

The last thing I remember before succumbing to physical and mental exhaustion is feeling Maura turn on her side to face me and place her hand on my hip.

She is a lifeline; an avenue through which I can reclaim myself.

She really is an incredible woman.

* * *

**A/N**: Thank you so much for the reviews, favorites, and follows! I'm thrilled that you are reading the story, but when you sacrifice your own time to respond to my attempts at writing...I am truly honored. -SJR


	4. Frustrated

It was late evening when we finally made it to our hotel after arriving in Bangkok yesterday. Although we both slept well on the flight, we still opted to order room service and call it an early night.

Of course, that meant that I was woken up at the crack of dawn this morning by a medical examiner who was practically bubbling out of her skin with excitement.

She'd been to the city a handful of times for various functions and, of course, had done extensive research on the metropolitan area. I bet she knows more about it than a lot of the locals.

So, for the last nine hours, I have had my own personal tour guide leading me around.

We've visited; The Temple of Dawn, the Grand Palace, and a very large temple complex called Wat Pho. The last on this list being my favorite.

It housed an incredible collection of murals, inscriptions, and sculptures which covered numerous topics including warfare, astronomy, and archeology. To top it all off, the grounds are home to the College of Traditional Medicine.

Although amazing, none of these things were the reason I enjoyed the location so much.

It was Maura's reaction to it all.

The doctor had been there before; she told me she went every time she visited Bangkok. However, that didn't detract from her enjoyment of the trip. To witness the incredible enthusiasm she expressed while talking about all of the artifacts we looked at as we walked through the complex, you'd think it was her first time seeing them.

She has such a genuine awe of the world around her, it enchants me. I followed her all day and listened attentively as she shared her vast wealth of knowledge; only a fraction of which I can even hope to remember. I would do it all again tomorrow...and the next day.

And the next.

And the next.

Just when I think I am incapable of loving this woman any more, it happens. I reach a new level of adoration. My need for her is growing.

I'm not sure how much longer I can contain it. I'm not sure how much longer I'll want to. It scares me.

And it frustrates me.

I have enjoyed every aspect of being by my friend's side today. However...this city isn't really agreeing with me. I wasn't sure why, but I had been on pins and needles since we departed our room.

We ended the day's adventures at a market. Well...calling it a mere market would be like calling an ocean a puddle. I could barely wrap my mind around the size of the event. Maura informed me that it covered a thirty-five acre area and contained over eight-thousand vendor stalls.

We spent nearly three hours shopping and both picked up a few souvenirs for people back home. Maura bought several items for herself, but I became too agitated to purchase anything further.

The source of my agitation? People.

There were people _**everywhere**_; all packed into the relatively small aisles like sardines.

My skin began to crawl and I broke out in a nervous sweat. Anxiety became a fog that settled around me like a vaporous lead.

That's when I was first hit with the stark realization.

There are too many people in this city.

It's nice that everything is new and doesn't even remotely remind me of what I'm trying to escape from back home. But when I thought about getting away, I pictured less of a crowd.

When I thought about getting away with Maura, I pictured _**a lot**_ less of a crowd.

The fact is, my head is messed up. It's the reason we left Boston. I'm broken and I'm trying to figure out how to function again. The sounds, sights, smells, and shear volume of population here are too distracting. I can hardly hear myself think, much less try and analyze the inner turmoil that came incredibly close to robbing me of my sanity.

The longer we are engulfed in the constant swarm of people that seem to cover every inch of Bangkok, the higher my tension level rises.

It's frustrating.

Yet, I keep my inner struggle to myself. Maura is having so much fun and I won't ruin it for her. She dropped everything in her life to whisk me away to a foreign land with the intention of mending my broken spirit. I owe her so much.

I owe her everything.

So, I do my best to breath through my worry and silently hope that our travels eventually lead us to a more secluded location.

This is the only full day we will spend here. Tomorrow, we are apparently traveling by car to our next destination. I can tell how eager Maura is for the coming step in our journey, but I can't get her to give me any definitive details about it.

That frustrates me...but only playfully so.

Earlier this afternoon we made reservations at a popular authentic Thai restaurant, located not far from our hotel. When the sun began to set we headed back to our room to freshen, then made our way to dinner.

Although the establishment is more crowded than I would have liked, much like every other aspect of this city, Maura has managed to calm my nerves. We talk about the day's adventures and I enjoy the almost flirtatious interaction that we share.

Our conversation is interrupted by the arrival of our food.

My stomach releases a feral growl in anticipation of being filled. We had a pretty big breakfast this morning...but that was almost ten hours ago and now I'm practically fainting from hunger.

"Thank God. My stomach was starting to eat itself."

The doctor chuckles at my exaggeration. I half expect her to comment on how unlikely that is, but she must be just as hungry as me. She starts to eat without offering any further response.

I pick up my eating utensil and gather a rather obscene amount of food onto it. I hear a word of protest as I bring the oversized helping to my lips.

"Wait!"

Too late.

I stuff the loaded fork in my mouth and moan at the initial array of flavors that roll around on my tongue.

However, seconds after my taste buds explode in pleasure...they catch fire.

This is the spiciest food I have ever tasted in my life.

My jaw stops mid-chew, my skin flushes from the roots of my hair to the tips of my toes, and my eyes begin to water uncontrollably. I have no choice but to grab my napkin and, as discreetly as I can, unload my bite into it.

If I wasn't in such immediate agony, I would call our waitress over and complain about the fact that there is lava in my curry.

Maura has a grimace on her face that teeters between concern and amusement. Her voice is full of barely restrained laughter when she speaks.

"I tried to tell you. _**Spicy**_, Jane, this Thai is _**authentic**_. You have to take small bites."

Great. Just great. I feel like such a _**girl**_ as I frantically, but uselessly fan my face with one hand and reach for my drink with the other.

My efforts do little to extinguish the flames that I'm sure are visibly shooting from every orifice of my face.

My friend takes pity on my current dilemma and pushes one of her plates toward me.

It has a white-ish lump on it and I look up at her with a mixture of desperation and unease.

"Eat this. The properties of the fruit will lessen the burn more effectively than your water."

Huh...its a fruit. That wouldn't have been my first guess.

I grab the 'fruit' and throw it in my mouth without further hesitation. I begin to work my jaw with fervor in a frenzied attempt to sooth the still searing hot sensation that continues to plague my senses.

For the second time that night...my jaw stops mid-chew.

My eyes widen in shock and I almost spit the item across the room. With my napkin already full of my last attempt at eating, I don't think twice before depositing the bite right onto my plate. I can't expel the revolting taste fast enough.

I grab my water again, take a generous gulp into my mouth, and swish it around before swallowing.

With that ordeal over, I turn a bewildered expression on my dinner companion.

"What _**the hell**_ was that?!"

Her lips are pressed tightly together and her shoulders are shaking with the laughter she somehow keeps from giving voice to.

After clearing her throat and taking a small breath, she calmly explains.

"That was durian; a native Thai fruit."

She keeps calling it a fruit. Funny. I would have put it in the 'rancid onion mixed with old gym socks' category.

"You ordered that?!"

She keeps her composure and answers me like we're discussing the weather.

"It comes as a side dish with the salad."

I'm half offended at her ease with this situation. As far as I'm concerned, I almost died tonight..._**twice**_.

I throw an accusing finger at the mangled bite of ungodly substance that now sits on my plate.

"You actually _**eat **_that?!"

"No. I don't eat durian. It tastes horrible."

My mouth falls agape for a moment and I just stare at her as she resumes eating.

Both my hands suddenly fly into the air.

"THEN WHY DID YOU LET _**ME**_ EAT IT?!"

A sly smile graces her lips as she continues to look at her meal.

"Well..."

She hesitates.

"WELL?!"

She peers up at me through her long lashes and speaks so sweetly. Sugar most certainly would not melt on her tongue.

"...the burning has subsided, has it not?"

I'm dumbstruck; but now that she mentions it, the effects of the curry _**are**_ much more manageable.

I can't believe it. I have just been fooled by a woman who, only a few years ago, found it difficult to comprehend the concepts of teasing and sarcasm.

And yet, while executing her prank, she simultaneously managed to put an end to my spice induced hell.

What happens next is beyond my control.

I burst into laughter.

She immediately joins in with the angelic sound of her own merriment.

My head is messed up. It's the reason we left Boston. I'm broken and trying to figure out how to function again. But in this moment, it doesn't matter. I am happy.

With her, the fractured pieces of me seem like a puzzle that just needs to be put back together, as opposed to sharp remnants of a shattered window that is beyond resurrection.

It makes me hopeful.

And a little less frustrated.

* * *

**A/N**: You are now leaving Bangkok. If you haven't ever heard of durian, get on google and look up 'durian Andrew Zimmern'. That will give you a better idea of what Maura just put Jane through. ;) Thank you so much for the feedback! As always, I'm incredibly happy to know that you are enjoying the story! Until next time. -SJR


	5. A Fighter

**A/N**: Before we pick up with our ladies, I would like to take this opportunity to give my heartfelt thanks. 'Frustrated' was such an appropriate name for the last chapter...mostly because it frustrated the living daylights out of me. I did the very best I could with it, but was still nervous about posting. When you took the time to let me know that I had successfully depicted what I had hoped would be a humorous scene, it really lifted my spirits. You are my inspiration. Thank you so, so much!

* * *

A two hour drive southeast of Bangkok brings you to the city of Pattaya, Thailand.

About ten minutes north of Pattaya is a training camp and gym called Fairtex. This destination was a last minute addition that I made to our travel plans.

We will be flying out of Pattaya to go much further south into the Gulf of Thailand. While researching possible activities to enjoy before we departed, I stumbled across this facility.

Although Jane is mainly struggling with depression, I feel that she harbors much more anger than even she is aware. I wanted this place to be a means of drawing the aggression out of her.

So, I contacted the facility and reserved time with one of the training gurus.

The look on Jane's face when we entered the grounds was priceless. As we pulled up to the sign outside of the main lodge, she turned to me in disbelief.

"Muay Thai? You brought me to a _**Muay Thai**_ training facility."

I smiled at the mix of astonishment and excitement in her voice.

"Yes. You will be working with one of the camp instructors for the next two days."

At the risk of sounding conceited; coming here was a fantastic idea.

As I understand it, Fairtex used to be a much less developed establishment. Apparently, most of the rooms didn't have air conditioning or even modern mattresses. As it gained popularity, it has developed an almost resort-like quality. However, it still produces some of the most skilled and successful Muay Thai fighters in the world.

We reached this destination yesterday morning. After checking in and getting settled in our simple but clean room, we explored the grounds.

However, we didn't have much leisure time. Jane's first session with her instructor started only a few hours after our arrival.

She changed into workout clothing and we both headed to the designated training area for _farang_, or so they called foreigners.

I sat in an observation area just to the side of a ring as Jane climbed in and began to stretch, throwing a few kicks and punches to loosen up.

While her focus was on physically and mentally preparing for the next few hours, I took the opportunity to really regard the form of my friend.

I have always been able to admire the physicality of both men and women. I appreciate the symmetry of well toned and defined musculature in both sexes.

I find it _**attractive **_in both sexes.

This has never been a source of concern for me. I don't believe that sexuality is as black and white as a great deal of people would like it to be. Although I have never embarked on a relationship with another woman, I tend to think that I fall in love with the person, not the gender.

After all, Jane is undoubtedly female.

And I have fallen for her.

I'm uncertain of when it happened. One day I simply looked at the detective that had befriended me so quickly and my heart began to flutter like a hummingbird's wings.

I don't know what to do with my feelings. Just when I think the moment is right, or that I've gathered enough courage to 'make a move', I completely fall apart. I'm so afraid of scaring her away. The possibility of losing her has always won the battle over my growing desire. However, I'm not sure how much longer caution's reign as champion will continue.

Especially after watching her physical performance.

A sheen of sweat formed on her skin as she grew warmer with her movement. I watched, a little mesmerized, as beads of sweat began to slide down her face and neck and disappear under the neckline of her t-shirt.

I never thought I could be so envious of a drop of perspiration.

Jane has been kickboxing for years, so the movements she ran through looked natural and effortless. Her brow furrowed in concentration and her eyes were fixed on an invisible opponent.

After about fifteen minutes, a man climbed into the ring and introduced himself. He was only a few inches taller than Jane, but he was very well built. When I made the reservations, the receptionist suggested him as a trainer because he spoke English and worked best with foreigners.

He bowed in greeting and the detective returned the gesture. Then, with pleasantries out of the way, they got right to business.

They started off with focus mitts; I assume so that he could get an idea of Jane's technique and accuracy. After a few minutes of adjusting to some of the new strikes he showed her, she fell into a comfortable rhythm and excelled in the exercise.

Next, he took her to an area that had numerous heavy bags hanging from rafters. They continued to work on technique, but it was obvious that the purpose of this was to evaluate Jane's power. She did not disappoint. Every impact rattled the bag's chain and made the beam it hung from creak.

After two hours, we took a break. We ate a light meal and Jane took the opportunity to change into a fresh set of clothes.

When we returned to the ring where we started our day, we found her trainer was covered in protective padding. He wrapped Jane's hands and gave her shin guards to put on.

Professional Thai fighters train to the point that, over time, the nerve endings in their shins die. This is because the shin is utilized as the striking point for kicks. For _farang_, training without shin guards can be a painful experience.

Once my friend was set, the two began to spar. The trainer would practice advancing on Jane and retreating from her so she could learn how to attack and defend. In each hand, he held a focus mitt that he would hold out in front of himself at will for Jane to strike. The two danced around the ring for over two hours, taking only a few short breaks to rehydrate and towel off.

Jane kept up with the trainer like she'd been doing it all her life. She only had a few awkward moments as she adjusted to some of the new Muay Thai techniques.

One of these techniques being the clinch.

The clinch is a control tactic in which the competitors engage in a collar tie by grabbing each other behind the neck. From this position, a fighter can throw a multitude of strikes including elbows and knees.

It was not Jane's forte. Her arms and legs are long enough that she never really got the hang of it.

Her fighting advantage is her power. She may not be the fastest, but the force behind her strikes are fearsome. To really accentuate this advantage, she needs to keep a certain amount of distance between herself and her competitor.

The detective drew a small crowd as trainers and fighters alike gathered around to evaluate the new female _farang_ who was so determined in her efforts.

After the day's session had ended, I saw two men approach Jane and her instructor. I couldn't hear what was being said, but they kept pointing back towards a group of fighters and motioning toward Jane's ring. They eventually started talking directly to Jane and, although I still couldn't hear, I could see the apprehension in her body language.

She looked between the men as they took turns talking and eventually nodded her head and bowed in farewell as they departed.

After returning to our room that evening, my friend informed me that she had agreed to fight one of the other female _farang_ in the camp...a female who had been training there for almost a month.

These events have caused my current state of panic as I sit ringside this afternoon.

I'm a frazzled wreck as I watch the trainers finish wrapping Jane's hands in preparation for her fight. She'll be wearing protective head gear, gloves, and a mouthpiece, but no shin guards.

I amend my earlier statement. This whole thing was a terrible idea.

How could I have known that she'd agree to fight a competitor that she knew absolutely nothing about? We haven't even seen her...she could be a professional fighter, or an amazon...or a ninja. We have no idea what she's up against.

A man, who I assume is the ring official, comes over and checks Jane's gear before allowing her to climb into the ring.

She takes off her shirt and steps onto the platform in her sports bra and a pair of spandex fighter shorts that we purchased at the camp's gift shop. They have 'Fairtex' printed across the back.

If I wasn't so deathly afraid for this woman's safety, I would have swooned like a damsel before her knight in shining armor. Jane dresses so conservatively most of the time, it's easy to forget that she has a body which appears to have been expertly sculpted from marble.

She does a few laps around the ring and bows to the corner where her trainer stands, ready to coach her through the fight.

A small crowd has gathered around the event and my body continues to hum with nervous energy.

Suddenly, I see the official on the other side of the ring checking the gear of the other competitor.

She has dark hair like Jane, but it's cropped short. Her skin is much lighter than the detective's and she is overall a little bit smaller in stature.

She climbs into the ring and does a few laps of her own before bowing to her trainers and turning around to face my Jane.

The official calls them out to the middle and explains a few rules, then sends them back to their respective corners.

I'm bursting out of my skin with anxiety as a bell rings and the women come back out to face off. They circle each other and throw a few light jabs, trying to judge one another's reach and distance control.

It doesn't take long for the opponent to step in close and throw a few body shots. She's fast. Faster than Jane. But her strikes don't have near the power that Jane's do. Even so, I see my friend grimace and try to put more space between them.

Sensing the detective's preference for distance, the other woman stays as close as she can.

I'm not sure when I started yelling encouragement, but I am suddenly aware of my own voice drowning out those of the other spectators.

Jane is holding her own, but she's obviously getting frustrated. The hits she delivers are powerful and they do a decent amount of damage, but she's only landing about half of what she throws. Her adversary is quick and, even though she isn't as strong, lands more strikes.

Then something bad happens.

This was a terrible, _**terrible**_ idea.

Jane's counterpart steps in and clinches. She grabs Jane by the back of the neck and begins to jerk her around the platform. As taught, the detective pushes her hips into the embrace.

The smaller woman begins to thrust her knees up, trying to break Jane's posture. It starts to work and her knees begin to come into solid contact with the my friend's toned stomach.

I can hear Jane's coach yelling from their corner.

"BREAK! BREAK!"

Yes. Jane has to break out of this engagement. She's getting pummeled.

In an attempt to separate, the detective pushes her hips back and, consequently, her head angles downward.

I'm on my feet and yelling her name before I'm even able to fully register what happens.

Jane's movement leaves her face unguarded and her opponent takes the opportunity to deliver a sharp elbow to her brow.

Blood begins to pour down the detective's face within seconds of her skin splitting open. She does an incredible job of staying on her feet and keeping some semblance of a fighting stance as she stumbles a few steps back.

It's a good thing.

The smaller woman is a shark and there's blood in the water. She immediately charges, in the hopes of finishing the fight.

And then...something incredible and inspiring and just plain _**sexy**_ happens. It freezes me in place.

The enemy's aggressive advance is careless. She sees what she hopes is an easy victory and forgets the most basic defense tactics of the sport.

Jane recognizes her chance and takes advantage of it. She swings her leg with all her might and her shin makes bone shattering contact with her opponent's diaphragm.

The noise of the impact sounds something like a cinder block being dropped into a beanbag chair.

Without so much as a grunt, the smaller woman wraps her arms around her midsection and goes down like a tree cut from its trunk.

The ring official begins to count down, giving her a chance to pick herself back up. However, she is too hurt. I'm not sure if she's even taken a breath since being kicked.

Jane has emerged the victor. First round TKO.

She is a fighter. It's something I've always known about her; but to have it demonstrated in such a literal way is breathtaking.

There is a minimal amount of cheering from the surrounding group, but for the most part, everyone just goes back to training.

As is customary, Jane bows to her opponent's corner and then to her own.

Once out of the ring, her instructor congratulates her and says she can come back and train with them any time. He removes her gloves, cuts her wraps, and then he leaves.

She comes to stand in front of me and gives me a look like she's worried I'll be mad. I haven't moved since her amazing show of perseverance.

Blood has started to congeal over the wound on her eyebrow, but a substantial trail of the now sticky red substance has reached the waistband of her fight shorts.

The amount of blood is what eventually snaps me out of my trance.

As gently as I can, I take her chin in one hand and feel around the gash with the fingers of my other.

"Are you dizzy?"

"No."

"Nauseous? Vision blurred? Do you know where you are?"

"No. No."

She smirks.

"Disney Land?"

She chuckles, but stops at the unamused look on my face.

"I'm fine. Really."

I check the movement of her eyes and the dilation of her pupils before I am satisfied that she has not suffered a concussion.

She doesn't complain about my tests. I'm sure she can tell how important it is to me that I conduct them.

The injury on her head doesn't look too terribly deep. I would like to put a few stitches in it, but I suppose a butterfly bandage will suffice.

I take a step back from her and wrap my arms around myself. I lift my hand and wipe furiously at the tears that begin to run down my face.

Jane sighs.

"C'mon, Maur. I'm okay. Better than okay actually. Hey, how badass did I look?"

I'm not in the mood for humor. I _**know**_ she's okay. It's just, what if...

I barely manage a whisper.

"What if you weren't?"

"What?"

A little bit more forceful this time; a little bit angrier.

"What if you weren't 'okay' Jane? I don't know what I'd do if you..."

My head drops down and I begin to shake it back and forth, trying to dislodge the images of a severely injured Jane Rizzoli from my mind. I've had to see the _**actual**_ images far too many times, I don't need these 'what if' scenarios running through my head.

The tips of her toes appear in my downcast vision as she steps close to me. I feel two hands rest on my shoulders and then slide slowly, tentatively, up to cradle my neck. The embrace causes my head to lift and she begins stroking the sides of my jaw with her thumbs. She captures my gaze with her beautiful brown eyes.

Sweaty, bruised, and covered in blood, this is the most gorgeous human being that I have ever seen.

All of a sudden, images of a much different Jane Rizzoli fill my imagination. Much more pleasurable ones.

"It'll take a lot more than an elbow to the face to take me away from you. I'm not going anywhere, Maura. Got it?"

Her voice is quiet, but fierce and full of promise.

I can't speak.

She's looking at me with the admiration I have grown used to, but there's something else. Something much, much more. It's like the filter that automatically sensors her affection is absent. I am on the receiving end of the raw emotion that she hides away so often.

I like it.

Nothing else exists in the world as she closes the distance between us. I don't know what I'm expecting to happen, but I let my eyes slide shut in anticipation of it.

I feel my pulse in every part of my body and my nerve endings vibrate with excitement.

Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all.

And then...I feel a chaste kiss being placed on my forehead.

I slowly open my eyes to see her pull back and smile at me.

Sadly, the filter is back in place. She drops her hands.

"Let's head back to the room. I need a shower."

I give her the best smile I can muster. I feel like I've just missed out on the most amazing opportunity.

"We're stopping by the medical station first. That laceration needs to be properly cleaned and bandaged."

She laughs and it is relaxed and happy.

"Yes, dear."

She is strong and resilient.

She is a fighter.

I have always known this about her. And now, I believe she knows it about herself.

* * *

**A/N**: Scenes from this chapter were inspired by the book, 'A Fighters Heart' by Sam Sheridan. If you have any interest in martial arts, I recommend giving it a read. I'm a recreational martial artist. I don't practice Muay Thai, but I have a great appreciation for it. If I have inaccurately described any training/fighting scenarios where this discipline is concerned, I apologize. I hope you enjoyed Jane in all her badass glory! Thank you so much for reading! -SJR


	6. Sleep

**A/****N**: The upcoming lullaby is 'Sleep' which is a choral composition by Eric Whitacre. The text was written by Charles Anthony Silvestri. If you've never heard the piece, I recommend getting on youtube and giving it a listen. Now, I know Maura is not capable of singing the song's polyphony all by her lonesome. Let's just say she sticks to the main melody line (even though it moves between the voices) the entire time, shall we? The piece's ethereal quality and lyrics are the main reasons for my use of it. I'll see you on the other side.

* * *

We reached our final destination this morning. Well...our final destination in Thailand anyway.

I haven't talked with Jane about what will happen after our time in this country comes to an end. More than likely, she assumes we will simply return to Boston.

I have a few other plans.

But for the time being, our travels have brought us to Koh Samui.

Koh Samui is an island located in the Gulf of Thailand and is close to the mainland town of Surat Thani. It is also Thailand's third largest island. It was once an isolated community, but has grown into a popular tourist destination. In the center of the land mass is a mountainous jungle which eventually gives way to white sandy beaches as the land descends to the surrounding sea.

I first discovered this place while reading a magazine that featured up and coming hotels and resorts. The island's booming tourist industry gave rise to the need for lavish accommodations. When the situation with Jane came about, I made reservations at one of these top facilities.

A short car trip brought us from the airport to the grounds of our home for the next several days.

The establishment itself is decently spaced out. The individual buildings are a fair distance from each other and strategically placed trees and shrubs provide plenty of privacy.

We were both in awe when we arrived at our dwelling.

The villa I chose has two bedrooms, one bathroom, a small but fully furnished kitchen, and an inside living area. One of the best features is a deck that actually connects to the living room through a sliding glass wall and extends outside and over our own small, but private pool. Beyond the pool is a downward slope with a sea view in the distance.

We took our time admiring our surroundings and getting settled in our rooms. Once we were finished, I made a call to the resources desk and scheduled some spa time to help us relax after all the traveling we had done.

As we made our way to our appointment, we walked hand in hand and explored the resort grounds.

Something seems different about the contact between us. In the past, it has always been out of a need for comfort. A hug here, a shoulder rub there, it was to offer support in response to a difficult situation. But now, we seem to be seeking each other's touch simply because we _**want**_ it. I can feel this change in Jane as much as I can in myself.

I like it. It makes me hopeful.

I wanted to keep our spa trip simple so I requested facials and massages. We were only there for a few hours and then set off to the main lodge to grab a bite to eat. After dinner, we stopped by a nearby market to pick up a few groceries.

It's fairly late when Jane and I eventually return to our villa. We are relaxed and happy, but both quite tired.

We walk in our residence and store our food in the kitchen. When our task is complete, we turn to face each other. I want to suggest that we take a dip in our pool, but I'm exhausted and I can see that my friend is too.

The air between us is suddenly filled with tension and I'm not entirely sure why. My friend is giving me the most curious look. The bruising on her face from her fight is at the height of its discoloration. It does nothing to detract from her beauty, but adds an almost intimidating factor to her expressions.

I speak in an attempt to relax the atmosphere around us.

"Goodnight, Jane."

She continues to look at me like there's something crucial she needs to say. Her brow is furrowed in either frustration or concentration...I'm not sure which. I'm captured by the intensity of her gaze and watch it rapidly flicker to my lips, then back up.

Her eyes darken and I stop breathing.

Eventually, she rasps a response.

"Sure. Night, Maur."

We both seem to hesitate before eventually turning and heading toward our separate rooms.

Jane and I showered, separately of course, at the spa after our massages. This means I'm able to simply change into my sleepwear and climb into bed. I hope to fall right asleep; I'm tired enough that I should be able to. Instead, I stare blankly at nothing in particular as my mind spins a tangled web of confusion, frustration, and longing. I'm not sure how much time goes by as I contemplate my relationship with my best friend.

That look Jane gave me...I can't get it out of my mind. I see it every time I close my eyes. She was looking at me like a starving person would eye a meal...like a guardian would watch over their charge...she was looking at me like...

I hear a tentative voice whisper to me from my doorway.

"Maura?"

I sit up to see Jane standing in a tank top and shorts. She is illuminated by the glow of the moon shining through the floor to ceiling window in my bedroom.

She looks guilty, like she feels ashamed that she is here.

"Are you alright?"

She presses her hands together then starts to worry the scars on her palms.

"Yea, it's just..."

Words fail her.

She doesn't have to say it, though. I feel it too. We haven't been apart for more than a few minutes over the past several days. We've had our own beds in the hotels we've stayed in, but they've been in the same room. Our current separation, however insignificant it may be, is uncomfortable to say the least.

I don't speak; simply shift over to one side of the mattress and pull back the sheets for her to climb in on the other.

She silently pads over and gently slides in.

We each lay on our backs and stare up at the bed's canopy.

"Are we having a sleepover or is this your way of telling me you're attracted to me?"

I expect her to laugh at my reenactment, but the only response I receive is silence. I turn my head to look at her.

"Jane?"

She keeps her gaze up.

"I can't sleep."

"Yes, I can see that. Do you want to talk about it?"

She takes a breath and I see a wistful smile appear on her face.

"When I used to have trouble sleeping as a kid, my ma would sing me a lullaby. It always made me relax and I'd end up drifting off in only a few minutes. I miss how easy it used to be to feel comforted."

There's something incredible about the way she shares such a simple childhood memory with me. This is her way of stripping off her armor. With this statement, she has laid herself bare to my scrutiny.

I return my gaze forward and devise a course of action.

I sang in choir throughout my earlier educational career. It began as a way to further build my resume, but I ended up really enjoying it as a hobby. I was skilled and was always placed in the top ensembles at the schools I attended. Once I started college, I just kind of stopped. All of my efforts were put toward my academic studies.

I don't sing much anymore, and most certainly not in front of an audience. But Jane has made herself vulnerable. The least I can do is put us on even ground.

I heard a song at a charity function once and was quite captivated by it. It is now one of my favorite things to listen too after a particularly trying day. The lyrics take shape in my mind as my soprano voice gives life to its melody.

_**The evening hangs beneath the moon**_

_**A silver thread on darkened dune**_

_**With closing eyes and resting head**_

_**I know that sleep is coming soon**_

I feel the bed dip as Jane turns on her side to face me. I'm tempted to look over at her, but I'm afraid of losing my concentration; so I don't

_**Upon my pillow, safe in bed,**_

_**A thousand pictures fill my head,**_

_**I cannot sleep, my mind's aflight,**_

_**And yet my limbs seem made of lead**_

She moves close to me and settles her head on my shoulder. She sighs and the warm breath of her exhale on my neck almost causes me to forget the words. Her hands are folded against her own chest but she relaxes into our new position.

I somehow manage to continue my serenade.

_**If there are noises in the night,**_

_**A frightening shadow, flickering light...**_

_**Then I surrender unto sleep,**_

_**Where clouds of dreams give second sight**_

She snuggles in a little closer and I work my arm around her. I bring my hand to the back of her head and allow my fingers to glide through her raven locks.

_**What dreams may come, both dark and deep**_

_**Of flying wings and soaring leap**_

_**As I surrender unto sleep**_

_**As I surrender unto sleep**_

_**As I surrender unto sleep**_

_**Sleep...sleep...sleep...**_

I let my voice drift away and chance a peek at the woman resting against me. Her eyes are closed, her breathing is even, and her face is the image of peaceful slumber.

I want this every night. I want _**more**_ than this every night. I want _**her.**_ I'm almost positive that she wants me too. I may be unskilled in the social graces, but her mannerisms toward me the past few days have been quite blatant.

However, something is holding her back...it's keeping her from me. I don't like it. I would free her from it in an instant if only I knew how.

But, I am a scientist; a very accomplished one at that. It is my job to find answers to questions and solutions to problems. Jane is an enigma wrapped in _**layers**_ of questions and problems.

I will find the answers. I will discover the solutions.

For now, I'll pretend. I'll make believe that Jane is sleeping against me because I have exhausted her with the physical expression of my love.

With those thoughts in my mind and the love of my life pressed against my side, I close my eyes and surrender unto sleep.

* * *

**A/N**: Well, our ladies are getting awfully close. If you enjoyed the song, you may want to explore some of Whitacre's other works. I apologize for any logistical/factual inaccuracies. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Thanks for reading and reviewing! I appreciate your time! -SJR


	7. Jump

**A/N**: Alright, everyone. *checks wristwatch* It's about that time. What time you ask? Rizzles. I apologize for any geographical errors I have made concerning Koh Samui.

* * *

It's hot. Really hot. But the temperature isn't the only cause of my current discomfort. It's also humid. Really, really humid. I feel like I'm walking through a wall of water as we hike through this thick jungle.

Maura woke me up this morning with breakfast and a happy smile. She said she had been doing some research on the island's geography and found a 'fascinating location' that she wanted us to visit today. Supposedly, it wasn't too far of a trek from our resort.

I was in favor of the adventure. She wouldn't give me details about our destination, which is starting to get annoying, only told me to put on my swimsuit under comfortable hiking gear.

Her own attire for the day made her look a little like an extra in an episode of The Crocodile Hunter. But, of course, she still managed to make it fashionable and sexy. I asked her when Steve Irwin would be joining us, only to receive a confused look followed by an explanation of the events leading to his death.

Some things never change. And I'm completely okay with that.

After retrieving two backpacks from our luggage and loading them with necessities, we were off.

I'm following Maura through heavily wooded terrain. My eyes are glued to our 'path' as I try my best to not trip over rocks, brush, and roots. The land becomes more and more vertical the further we hike.

I'd be annoyed by our current endeavor if Maura didn't seem so excited about where she's taking me. She's acting like a child with a first class ticket to the North Pole.

If it makes her this happy...it can't be _**that**_ bad.

I'm not sure how long we've been at it, but I _**do**_ know that it's long enough for sweat to stain through my shirt and my hair to stick to my forehead. Considering the conditions, that's not saying much.

My concentration is disrupted as I suddenly crash into the back of my best friend; nearly knocking her to the ground. I grab onto her elbow and steady her.

"Geeze, Maur! Put on your hazard lights next time you stall in the road! You alright?"

She laughs; more than likely at my flustered appearance than my statement.

"Listen. Can you hear it?"

I stand still and keep quiet.

Now that she mentions it, I _**can**_ hear something. A faint rushing noise is coming from somewhere in the distance.

I give her a questioning look.

"We're almost there."

I try not to show my relief. It's not that I haven't enjoyed being with her; it's just really, really hot...and humid.

As we continue on our way, the noise gets louder. I'm trying to think of where I've heard that sound before.

I can see a break in the seemingly endless vegetation not too far in front of us. By now, the rushing has become a full blown roar...and it hits me.

Waterfall.

Sure enough, as soon as we clear the canopy of the trees, we come to stand at the edge of a large pool with a waterfall pouring into it.

The water looks amazing. It's crystal clear and has an emerald hue.

The fall appears over a shear face cliff. It has to be nearly twenty-five feet high. The cliff continues to one side, but the other side is a steady slope that starts at the top of the waterfall and descends to the rocky beach we are now standing on.

We both just stare for a few minutes.

"It's beautiful."

Yes. Yes it _**is**_ beautiful. But...I bear witness to a much more stunning sight on a regular basis.

We open our packs and remove several items. It doesn't take very long for us to set up a kind of camp on a smooth flat rock that gently slopes down and disappears into the pool. We spread out two towels and Maura sets a few folded ones at one end as pillows, creating a place for us to comfortable lay.

But for now, apparently, she has other ideas.

"Let's swim. That journey was quite warm."

I laugh and start to voice a sarcastic remark, but then I turn to face her.

Maura is removing her hiking clothes to reveal a two piece swimsuit. The color reminds me of the green flecks in her eyes.

I'm suddenly very thankful for the heat; it's been a real pain, but at least I can blame my blush on it.

Her body is a work of art...it's wonderfully toned...yet enticingly soft...I can't help but wonder how good it...

"Aren't you coming in?"

I snap out of my musings to see Maura already waist deep in the heavenly looking liquid.

I take off my own gear and strip down to my black swimsuit. Mine is also a two piece, but the bottoms are a lot less..._**stringy**_ than Maura's.

Once I'm free of my sticky, sweaty clothing I get ready to walk into the water. Maura has swum out further into the pool and I catch sight of a rock overhang that is fairly close to her current position.

I dash over to the ledge, leap off, and successfully cannon ball right next to her.

I am met with an annoyed glare as my head pops back out of the water; but my friend's voice betrays her amusement.

"Really, Jane?"

I laugh in response.

"Don't tell me you wanted to keep your hair dry or something."

She looks a little miffed.

"No! I just hadn't planned on being attacked."

I roll my eyes as I shift my gaze to where the water cascades from the cliff.

"This is pretty awesome."

She looks up too.

"I came across it in one of the island's travel guides. Locals will often come here and jump from the ledge of the cliff; the pool is more than deep enough to land in safely. It's said to be a very liberating experience."

I look at her with a doubtful expression.

"Yeah, I bet it's liberating...right up to the point where you bash your head on something and die."

She chuckles and continues to tread water beside me. She lifts a hand out of the water and points.

"See how the rock face recedes into the cliff after the edge? You wouldn't have to jump very far away from the side to be safe."

I look back up.

"...I guess so."

"Oh...and Jane?"

"Hmm?"

As I turn to look at her, I am met with a wave of water. This is truly a day to be recorded for the ages. Maura Isles has just started a splash fight with me.

After an uncertain amount of time filled with splashing, swimming, and laughing, we both head over to our camp to take a break. Once settled on our towels, Maura pulls a few food items out of her pack. We eat and then lay back to rest.

I watch the clouds drift by and my mind begins to trip over itself. I should be completely happy and content in this moment, but I'm not. I have managed to work through a lot of anger and sadness with the help of my best friend. But now, I'm left with an emotion that is just as crippling.

I am fearful. I'm afraid of going back home and facing my friends and family. I'm worried I won't be the same detective I was before my breakdown. I'm afraid of my relationship with Maura returing to it's simple friendly nature...and I know it will, because I'm terrified of pursuing something more.

The longer I stay still, the busier my mind gets. I can feel anxiety linger in the back of my mind like an apparition. I've made so much progress on this trip, but these troubles still continue to haunt me.

I suddenly feel a little sick and have to sit up. I almost call Maura's name, until I turn my head and catch sight of her.

She has fallen asleep and looks more peaceful than I have seen her in weeks.

I know that so many of her struggles have been my fault. That fact makes me feel worse. I quietly stand up and walk the few steps to the edge of the water.

I want to be better. I don't want to be afraid or sad or angry anymore. I want my life back. I want to be the person I _**know**_ I am capable of being. I want this as much for the people who care about me as I do for myself.

I can't take it anymore. All this anguish...I want it to end.

I want to be freed from it.

My eyes drift to the top of the waterfall.

I want to be liberated.

My mind stops producing rational thought as I walk over to the sloped side of the waterfall and begin to climb. I have a continuous mantra repeating in my mind.

_**Liberate. Liberate. Liberate.**_

Before I know it, I'm at the top. A fallen tree allows me to cross the large stream to the cliff portion of the rock face.

A different thought manages to take shape in my mind as come to stand at the edge. _**That is a really long way down...**_

This thought scares me, and that immediately infuriates me.

I'm done being afraid.

I jump.

Time slows down as I free fall through the air.

It is a stunning sensation. I need to scream, but I can't.

Something starts to happen in the middle of my fall. I feel an invisible entity separate from my own body. It's as if I am falling faster than it and it is rising above me and floating away into the open air.

I like it.

I realize that I'm getting close to hitting the water. I point my toes and hold my body tight and straight like a toothpick.

I hit the water feet first and plunge into the depths of the pool.

At first, I am disoriented. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing. It's like my mind is still five feet above the surface of the water.

Time has not yet returned to its normal continuum.

I'm not in a hurry to go anywhere and I wave my limbs around and enjoy a weightlessness that has nothing to do with the liquid I am engulfed in.

This is fun...I am happy.

However, an unpleasant sensation starts to build in my chest. My lungs start to burn. I must have been down here longer than I thought.

Finally, my mind catches up to my body. I look up toward a definite source of light and begin to ascend from the depths.

I finally break the surface in an explosive torrent and gasp for air.

I can faintly hear Maura yelling my name and splashing into the water, but I am suddenly overcome with an incredible need.

I raise my face skyward and I scream.

I give full voice to all of the pain, fear, sadness, and anger that has been plaguing my body and soul for longer than I care to admit. It wasn't just the torment of the last case, but _**all**_ of the cases that I have been bottling for years.

It feels good.

It feels so good; I do it again.

This time, I yell. It is triumphant and joyful and strong...and it is _**liberated**_**.**

I start laughing. I laugh so hard that I begin to cry.

I start to look around for Maura. I feel amazing and I want to share this moment with her.

I find her treading water several feet away, silently watching me.

She's looking at me with the most awed expression on her face. It's like she's seen an angel appear before her very eyes and she's not sure whether to be happy, or scared.

My breathing evens out and I slowly swim over to her.

I tread water right in front of my friend and it's like I'm looking at her through a new set of eyes; like a blind woman who has just caught her first glimpse of a color wheel. She is more beautiful than I have ever seen her, yet nothing about her has changed.

_**I**_ have changed. I am liberated. I am free of my fears and doubts and am not afraid to show her my love.

She's still staring at me with wonder and uncertainty in her eyes.

"Maur..."

Before my fall, I would have asked if she were okay or said I was sorry. I may have inquired as to how cool I was for jumping off a cliff...but now...

"...you're beautiful."

I'm not sure why I choose to say that, but it is completely true.

She grasps my arm and begins to pull me to shallower water. When our feet can touch the bottom, she turns around to face me.

"Are you hurt?"

Her face is an unreadable mask and her voice is smooth and even.

I almost laugh because I am the farthest from hurt than I can ever remember being. Despite my efforts, a chuckle escapes me and I smile at her. I don't even try to mask the love that I have been hiding from her for years.

"No. I'm not hurt."

The change in her is violent. One moment she's seemingly calm and the next she's shoving me and yelling.

"Dammit, Jane! I was asleep! I heard a splash and sat up and you weren't there! All I could see was the wake of your impact! It took you so long to resurface! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! DO YOU NEVER THINK ABOUT ANYTHING?!"

I am frozen. Even in anger, she is stunning. I can't speak, so I just continue to stare.

As suddenly as her temper flared, it dwindles. She sounds defeated.

"Do you not think about what would happen if...? Do you even care about...?"

My response flows out of me and I do nothing to filter it.

"It's gonna take a lot more than a twenty foot fall to take me away from you. I'm not going anywhere, Maura. I love you."

I have spent so much time and energy denying this fact from her, giving voice to it now _**should**_ give me a heart attack. But it doesn't. I simply hold her gaze.

She looks into my eyes like she's trying to find an answer to something.

She must see what she's looking for because she closes the small gap between us and presses the length of her body flush against mine.

The water around us loses its significance. Right now, I am immersed in Maura. She is washing over every part of my being more effectively than water ever could.

The look on her face is almost virginal as she peers at me through her lashes. It makes me think of an inexperienced lover their first time. There is desire in her eyes, I see it now, but there is also a little fear and doubt. She is insecure and looking for reassurance. She is at the precipice and afraid to jump.

What else can I do?

I take hold of her and we go over together.

I lean in, gently nudge her nose aside with my own, and press my lips to hers. The kiss is not possessive or demanding or lustful; it's gentle and inquisitive and _**loving**_.

My hands come to rest on her hips as her arms slide around my neck. We pull back to take a breath.

I am enamored by the look I receive. She is giving me the biggest smile that I have ever seen grace her lips. It lights up her entire face like a fireworks display.

She lets out a desperate sound that is somewhere between a joyful laugh and a sob. Without saying a word, she claims my lips and I can feel her smile against them. The contact is a little more urgent this time.

Desire is a swarm of bees and I can feel it stinging every inch of my body in the most incredible way.

I slowly begin to back Maura up toward the towels where the two of us were resting just a few minutes ago. We continue to kiss, breaking apart only when we need a gulp of air. As the water becomes more shallow, the woman in front of me becomes the woman beneath me. As we ascend from the pool, she forgoes remaining upright and begins to crawl backwards. I do my best to keep our contact by hovering along above her.

Eventually, we arrive back on our towels and she rests her head on her makeshift pillow. I take the opportunity to settle my body onto hers.

I use one hand to support some of my weight, but the other I allow to roam over her slick, wet skin.

I start by cupping her face. Then, my hand slides down her neck and over the middle of her chest. It eventually comes to rest on her toned belly and I revel in the smooth skin there.

It's like she's made of fire. Every place our bodies come into contact sets me ablaze. My fingers are scorched as I glide my hand back up her body and repeat the path of my earlier caress.

Maura has her hands on my back. She massages the expanse of muscle and then lightly rakes her nails over my skin. When our kiss is not deep enough for her liking, she takes hold of the back of my head and pulls me further into her.

Just as our bodies start to find rhythm against each other, a bright flash followed by a deafening clap of thunder interrupts us.

We pull back in shock and I look up toward the sky.

How long have we been at this? I swear it was sunny just a minute ago.

I look back down to see Maura gazing at me with an expression I can't quite give a name to.

"We should head back to the villa. Rains here can cause flash flooding."

My eyes fall to her lips as she speaks. I'm not entirely sure what she's just said. My brain is overloaded with other, more important bits of information...the feel of her skin, the sound of her sighs, the taste of her...

Again, a flash of lightning...a boom of thunder.

"Let's go. It's approaching fast."

I reluctantly comply with her demand.

I slowly remove myself from her and stand. We both shiver at the loss of contact.

We don't say a word as we quickly repack all of our belongings. When we are dressed and our backpacks are secured on our shoulders, we turn to one another.

She looks a little unsure again.

I have a cure for that.

I step up to her and hook my fingers into the belt loops of her shorts, pulling her as close to me as I can. I give her a kiss that I hope conveys my devotion and support to what has just happened between us.

Another roll of thunder brings with it a torrential downpour. We both pull apart with a few squeals and quickly make our way back through the jungle.

* * *

**A/N**: I know, I know...'_**finally**_', right? The next chapter is going to delve a little deeper into these two's private adventures, but it won't be too explicit...at least I don't think so. I get so darn bashful with this kind of thing. Thanks so much for reading! I appreciate all your comments as well! They let me know whether or not I'm on the right track! -SJR

**Side note**

This is concerning chapter four 'Frustrated'. I received a few comments from reviewers who really enjoy durians. I thought to myself, 'who am I to judge something so harshly based on what someone said about it on T.V.?'. So, I went to a nearby market, purchased a durian, and brought it home. I butchered the fruit outside on my patio (no one denied that it smelled bad) and indeed, the smell was enough to make me queezy. I managed to take a good sized bite and chewed thoroughly and deliberately in the hopes of tasting a sweet quality. Sadly, it never came. Maybe I had a bad fruit...maybe the smell was just too palpable and ruined the taste...what I do know is that the fruit is definitely not for me. So, to all you who enjoy durians, good on you! I really did give it a chance!


	8. Starving

Warm. Happy. Loved. Sated. Euphoric.

Those are the most prominent sensations that encompass me as I wake.

Yesterday was amazing. Last night was...indescribable.

On the few occasions when I actually allowed myself to think about making love with Maura...I imagined a kind of awkward experience. Lord knows I haven't had any sexual encounters with other women, and I wasn't sure if I'd be able to figure out what she needed. I wanted to make her feel amazing and I didn't know how.

Thankfully, my concerns were futile.

Our progression throughout the evening and into the night was seamless. We weren't like puzzle pieces snapping together...more like two threads being sewn into the same fabric. No gaps...not even a semblance of them.

There was sighing, giggling, and moaning. But there were also plenty of hushed questions, answers, and reassurances.

We took our time, mapping each others bodies like a newly discovered land. As we gained confidence, our transitions lost all hesitancy. By the time the stormy sky began to lighten with the rising sun and we were both too exhausted to continue, we had composed a flawless symphonic masterpiece from our adoration and devotion to each other.

Rumbles of thunder and the steady drone of rain hitting the roof of our villa coxes me from my heavenly slumber.

My eyes stay shut as I enjoy the delicious ache of my well loved body. I've never felt this relaxed in my life. It's like my muscles have turned to jelly and my bones have been disjointed from one another.

I let out a contented hum as I stretch my arm out in search of the warm body of my new lover. However, I find only empty sheets.

I open my eyes and look around the airy bedroom. Maura is not here.

My mind takes off in a nervous sprint. Was it real? Could it all have been a glorious but heartbreaking dream?

No. No, that doesn't make sense. I'm in Maura's room, in her bed, without a stitch of clothing on me.

Maybe she left. Was it a mistake? Does she regret it?

No, that's not right either. After last night, I will never doubt her love for me.

So...why am I alone? Is she okay? Could she be sick or hurt?

I'm on the verge of panicking when I notice a few quiet noises coming from the kitchen. I breathe a sigh of relief and smile at my unreasonable reaction to her absence.

I hop out of bed and secure a sheet around my naked form.

I know she's just in the other room, but I feel an urgent need to see her. So, I move hastily out of the bedroom and down the short hallway.

As I round the corner, I am struck with a welcomed sight.

Maura has her back to me and is standing by the counter in her silk robe. Her hair is up and I can see a love mark on the skin just below her ear.

She has prepared two glasses of juice, some bread and jam, and set out two small empty bowls. She looks to be busy cutting some melon to finish off our meal.

I quickly and silently glide across the room to stand right behind her. I wrap my arms around her waist.

She tenses for a split second before melting back into me.

"I hope you're hungry."

I can't see her face, but I can hear the satisfied smile in her voice. I rasp my response into her neck.

"Famished."

It's true. I'm starved...skin starved. It's going to take much more than one night with this woman to make up for all of the time I've missed.

I bring my mouth up to her ear and gently pull its lobe between my teeth.

She shivers and I feel the vibrations wash into my own body like an ocean wave meeting the shore.

Finished with her task, she sets the knife in the sink and turns in my arms. The look in her eyes sets my skin ablaze.

I'm a willing victim as she takes possession of my face and kisses me with a passion that sends every detail of the previous night racing through my mind. My eyes flutter shut and I allow my senses to be overloaded with everything Maura.

When she pulls back, I open my eyes and try to follow her lips with my own. However, she stops me with a soft but insistent hand on my chest. My brow furrows in confusion.

She has a devious smile on her face and her voice is teasing.

"_**Food**_, Jane. I'm hungry."

She tries to free herself from my embrace, but I won't be thwarted that easily. I press her back against the counter and place my hands on the hard surface on either side of her.

I let my sheet drop.

She freezes.

Her eyes darken and her skin flushes as she shamelessly stares at my newly exposed flesh. She looks back up at my face and appears to have lost her playfulness.

"That's not fair."

I smirk and then hoist her up to sit on the surface that she's been trapped against. She gasps at the suddenness of her relocation.

I mischievously look into her eyes as I slowly untie her robe and slide it open.

In our current position, she's taller than me. I don't mind because it means that I'm eye level with one of my favorite parts of her body. I make use of my vantage point and begin to nip her chest, then soothe the bites with lascivious kisses.

Her fingers weave through my hair and massage my scalp as she tenderly holds me against her, humming her approval of my exertion.

When I'm convinced that the area has been thoroughly attended to, I lift my head and give her a cocky grin.

Through her obvious arousal, she manages to put an adorable pout on her face.

"I'm still hungry."

I reach beside her and grab a piece of fruit, then bring it to her lips.

My voice has gotten impossibly deep with the growing desire that I manage to restrain...for now.

"Can't have that. You'll need your strength for today's scheduled procedures, Doctor Isles."

After all, with rain pouring down outside, what other activities could we possibly busy ourselves with?

I think I'm doing a good job of taking control of the situation; until she consumes the fruit that I am offering.

She opens her mouth and closes it around the melon, as well as my fingers.

I feel my jaw go slack as I stare at my imprisoned appendages.

Slowly...so...so slowly, she begins to pull her mouth back.

I feel her tongue swirl around my index finger before finally releasing it with a barely audible 'pop'.

"Oh, God."

My exclamation is breathless. I've never experienced a mixture of ice and fire like the one I am in this moment. Every inch of my body is frozen in place, but the fiery passion that has been steadily burning me increases in intensity by tenfold.

She smiles down at me with the most guilty-innocent expression I have ever seen.

"More please."

When I finally manage to reclaim my basic motor functions, I pick up another piece of fruit and we repeat the process.

We stay in this position while I feed her breakfast. Every bite of food somehow manages to be more erotic than the last.

After several more bites, she leans forward and gives me a kiss. Her lips are sweet from the melon and jam, but mostly from the nectar that is her own unique taste.

"I believe I'm full."

By this time, my breathing is uneven and I'm shaking with need. My voice is slightly strained as I fight the urge to devour her, right here, right now.

"Good. Now, what about _**my**_ breakfast?"

She tilts her head to the side and quirks a curious eyebrow.

"What would you like to have?"

As if she doesn't already know.

I push the robe off her shoulders and the article of clothing separates from her completely. Then, I wrap her legs around my waist and pick her up off the counter. My lips drop to the space over her heart and I leave a lingering kiss.

I whisper my response into her skin.

"Just you."

She takes hold of my chin and lifts my face to hers.

We share a promising kiss and I walk us back to the bedroom.

Just in the nick of time.

I'm starving.

* * *

**A/N**: Was the chapter satisfying? It sure was for Jane and Maura. If you've read my other fic _**That Smile**_, you may have noticed some similarities between it and this chapter. What can I say...there's just something about a sexy kitchen scene... As always, thank you so, so much for reading! I really don't think I can express how much your favorites, follows, and reviews mean to me. The best I can do is tell you that they are my source of inspiration. When I lose sight of the story's direction, I read reviews from people who are really enjoying my efforts and it is truly uplifting. I am so grateful for the time you take to provide a response to my work. Thank you! -SJR


	9. Oh Shit

**A/N**: Listen up, you awesome people. I am so grateful for your comments. This is the third story I have ever written and the second that I have ever actually published. I've been reading stories on this site for over a year and a half and finally gathered enough courage to write a fic of my own and put it up for public scrutiny. If you are an author and have published pieces in the L&O SVU, BTVS, STV, and/or (of course) R&I universes...chances are I have seen your work and been inspired by it. Thank you so, so much. I know you want to get to the story, but it's important to me that you realize how much I appreciate all of my readers & reviewers. Special shout out to **mrj726**...part of this chapter was inspired by one of our numerous PM conversations. ;-)

* * *

The storm lasted almost two full days. That entire time, we were stuck in our villa with only each other as entertainment.

It was the best two days of my life.

We woke this morning, tangled together, to find the sun finally shining through the bedroom window.

Even though we had thoroughly enjoyed ourselves, we were eager to get some fresh air and see more of the island. So, we ate breakfast and got ready to investigate the more touristy activities that were available.

There are only a few more days left of our stay on Koh Samui. The fact makes me sad, but I'm so grateful for every aspect of this trip. I learned a lot about myself.

I found Maura.

She found me.

We found each other and created something that no one will ever be able to take away from us.

After spending most of the day exploring the surrounding villages and looking at vendors, Maura talked me into going to the island's meditation center.

This leads me to my current predicament.

We're sitting cross legged on a dirt floor, under a large open sided pavilion. The only thing between us and the hard ground are thin cloth mats. There has to be at least fifty other people, all setting in organized lines and meditating peacefully.

I'm not good at this. I just can't quite wrap my mind around the fact that I'm supposed to sit here and do nothing. If I want to achieve complete and total inner peace...I take a nap. If I'm awake, I do stuff...not always productive stuff, but stuff all the same.

However, Maura did have a point. I need to learn how to compartmentalize.

No, not just how to compartmentalize, but how to _**open**_ those compartments and clear out their contents when they get full. I'm a bottler; always have been. If I don't find a way to change that, I'll eventually end up in the same situation that drove us here in the first place.

So, despite the fact that my butt has fallen asleep and my lower back is now screaming in pain...I stay persistent.

After sitting in the meditative pose for what seems like hours and continually failing in my attempts to 'go within myself', I start to get irritated.

"Maura."

She doesn't respond to my whisper. Maybe she didn't hear me.

"Hey, Maur."

A little louder this time...accompanied by a gentle nudge with my elbow.

"Shush."

I peek an eye open and scowl sideways at her.

"You did _**not**_ just 'shush' me."

She keeps her eyes closed but I can see a tiny smile pull at the corner of her lips.

"What it is?"

Her voice is soft, but I can hear an edge of playful annoyance.

I open both eyes and turn my head to look fully at her.

"Nothing's happening. I think my mat is broken. Isn't it supposed to be like a magic carpet or something?"

She inhales and exhales slowly. I'm sure it's some kind of method of keeping her concentration.

"Just close your eyes..."

How did she know they were open?

"...and breathe. Think of something...anything. Let your mind get lost in a thought or memory or fantasy, then take control of it. Focus."

Let my mind get lost in a fantasy? Why didn't she tell me that from the beginning? I've had plenty of practice in that department.

My eyes close once more and I relax my shoulders.

I think back over the last few days. We've been together almost none stop; sleeping together, eating together, bathing together, all while wearing nothing more than smiles and each other.

Yet...it's not enough. It'll never be enough. I have gotten nowhere near my fill of her. I crave her like a drug; as soon as I'm down from my high, I need another fix.

I let my mind wander to our shower this morning. I remember the feel of her hands and lips and...other physical attributes...sliding over every inch of my slick skin as water streamed down both of our bodies.

_My back is pressed against the wall of the shower. My hands are on her shoulders. She is the only thing keeping me from crashing to the floor. The tiled stall is cold against my overheated skin and my head falls back as I moan my enjoyment of our building passion._

Suddenly, my mind snaps back to the present. My brow furrows in concentration but I keep my eyes closed.

...I feel something.

Hey, I think I've got the hang of this! I was thinking about being touched and now I can actually feel the physical sensation of fingers snaking over my skin. No, really! I can feel it like its happening right now!

…?

Wait a minute...

...?!

Wait just _**one damned minute**_.

My eyes shoot open and I look down at my arm, which has been perched atop my thigh. However, I find that it is now adorned with a snake that is slithering its way to my shoulder.

"**OH SHIT**!"

I give no thought to the volume of my voice as I spring from my pose, in a very impressive show of athleticism if I don't say so myself, and begin to whip my arm around wildly. Somewhere along the way, the snake is flung from my limb and I hear the exclamations of several other attendees as it lands among them.

I don't wait around to see what happens. I take off running out from under the structure like my ass has been lit on fire.

When I feel I'm a safe distance away from the scene, I stop and begin to brush at my arm like the snake is still attached. I'm a city girl, born and raised. I don't like snakes. Apparently, that dislike flares like a meteor entering earth's atmosphere when such a creature is actually _**crawling on me**_.

I continue doing my 'heebie jeebie' dance until I hear a familiar giggle from behind me.

I turn around, mentally preparing a defense for my actions in the hopes of salvaging what's left of my pride. But my train of thought derails as Maura approaches me, snake in hand.

"What the hell, Maura?! Get that thing away from me!"

I start to back away.

She slows her advance, but doesn't stop completely.

The reptile has to be over three feet long, but it seems really skinny for a snake of that length. Its head is small and its scales are green.

Maura has it wrapped around her forearm and its head is extended several inches away from her hand. Its tongue darts out every few seconds to evaluate the surroundings.

"There's no need to be afraid. This is a common green or grass snake. It's non-venomous."

"That's magical. Now, _**please **_get it away from me. Seriously, that's gross."

Her face falls a little and she drops her gaze to the animal in hand.

"It's just a living creature, Jane. I know how people look at it; cold, unfeeling, too different to be close to...it's not fair. What did it ever do wrong? It deserves to have a place in this world too."

She gently runs the pad of her thumb over its scaly skin.

Great. Fan-freakin-tastic. Of all the things Maura associates herself with...it has to be a snake? Now she's sad and I'm being a jerk by acting so standoffish.

"Maur...sweetie..."

I know she still struggles with abandonment and isolation issues. It's something I've wanted to address on this trip. But, when I finally got a handle on my own problems, I found myself in a passionate and loving new relationship with my best friend. Everything has happened so fast...it's been hard to focus on anything else.

But I will, starting right now.

We've both been hurt over the past years. We'll mend one another in the years to come.

I clench my jaw as I take a few steps forward. The snake seems to be interested in my progression and further extends itself from its captor's grasp to greet me.

I manage to get a few inches closer before I feel too uneasy and have to stop.

"...I'm sorry. I know there's nothing wrong with it...it just scared the crap out of me. It's...ah...actually really cool."

I meet the snake's beady-eyed stare and offer a smile, that I'm sure looks more like a grimace, as I give it a little wave with my index finger.

"Hey there little guy."

I hear her chuckle and I look up into her hazel eyes. She's smiling at me and I can tell I've somewhat redeemed myself.

"Just...please don't tell me I have to touch it..."

She laughs, a little heartier this time, and simply shakes her head 'no'.

She walks over to a nearby shrub, kneels down, and allows the snake to slither onto a branch. A shiver involuntarily runs down my spine as I watch it slide from her skin and disappear from sight.

My lover gets up, turns, and comes to stand in front of me.

"Now...this would have been a much different scenario if that were one of the other species of snakes that inhabit the island."

I shouldn't even ask, but I can't help myself.

"Other species?"

"Yes. Pythons, green pit vipers, and cobras can also be found on Koh Samui."

I feel the color drain from my face.

"Cobras? But...I... You think you could have told me this _**before**_ we went hiking through the jungle?!"

She seems to carefully consider my question before answering.

She takes hold of my hands and intertwines our fingers. I manage to suppress my discomfort of the fact that one of her hands just had a snake in it.

I am immediately sobered by her next statement.

"If we hadn't braved the jungle, we wouldn't have gone to the falls. Would you change that? We may never have..."

An solemn expression crosses her face as her sentence dies.

I hear the words she doesn't say.

The fact is, I would sleep on a bed of cobras if it meant being able to share my love with her. I would gladly accept a fate of 'death by a thousand snake bites' if I were allowed to show her just how amazing and perfect and essential she is to my existence.

I lean down and give her a sweet kiss. I haven't gotten over my amazement of the fact that I am allowed to do this pretty much whenever I want. I'm not sure I ever will. I'm not sure I ever want to.

I pull back and give her hands a gentle squeeze.

"I wouldn't change that day for anything. I love you."

Her smile leaves me breathless.

"I love _**you**_."

I feel a familiar spark ignite the atmosphere around us. My skin flushes as I watch her pupils dilate. I blink several times in an attempt to defog my suddenly muddled brain.

I clear my throat and do my best to swallow. Despite my efforts, my question still sounds gravelly.

"Do you want to go back to the group?"

Her response is hushed but assured. The sweet timbre of her voice settles over me like liquid velvet.

"No, let's go back to the resort. Maybe take a swim in our pool?"

The mischievous glint in her eyes makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, steps into my body, and positions one of her thighs between both of mine, applying a slight amount of pressure...just enough to cause my desire to flare like a steadily burning flame that is mercilessly doused in gasoline.

"**_Oh shit_**..."

I say nothing more as I drop one of her hands, turn around, and hurriedly lead us out of the meditation complex.

* * *

**A/N**: Well, we don't have too much longer in Koh Sumai. Our ladies will start making their way back home...but I wonder what more Maura has up her sleeve? Seriously, though. Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. It really does mean the world to me! Take care. -SJR


	10. The Long Way Home

It's our last day in Thailand.

I asked Jane what she wanted to do before our departure tomorrow morning. I was surprised when she said she just wanted to go to a beach and enjoy the sun. I wasn't going to argue, though. We packed a picnic, loaded a bag with sunscreen and towels, and threw on our swimsuits.

We are now happily laying on our backs beside one another, eyes closed, listening to the waves wash onto the shore. The beach is made of the softest, whitest sand I have ever encountered and the water beyond looks like liquified sapphires. The sun is shining down on us through billowy white clouds and a gentle breeze stirs the air, keeping us at a comfortable temperature.

As a scientist, I'm quite skeptical about the concept of perfection.

But in my professional opinion, this day is perfect.

This has been such an amazing trip. I've watched Jane come back into her own. I have watched as she's summoned and battled daemons from her past and emerged the victor. It makes me love her just that much more.

She is strong. She is resilient. She is caring and protective.

She is a fighter.

And now, she is mine.

As if to prove this fact, I open my eyes and discreetly move to hover over her. I give her a soft, brief kiss.

Her eyes flutter open.

The smile she gives me puts the sun's warmth and radiance to shame.

"What was that for?"

I settle the top half of my body on her's and rest my head on her chest.

"I love you."

Her arm wraps around my back and she begins to lightly trail her fingers from the top of my shoulder to my elbow and back.

"I love you, too"

We stay like this for an immeasurable amount of time. The tranquility of the day, combined with the consistent caress of her fingers against my skin, begins to lull me to sleep. However, her voice rouses me from my imminent nap.

"I don't want to go back yet."

I open my eyes and place my hand on her abdomen. I watch, mesmerized, as the toned muscles contract and relax under my touch.

"It's not that I'm not ready to...I _**am**_. It's just..."

She pauses for a moment before tenderly rolling me onto my back to take her turn hovering above me. She leans down and kisses me with a gentle but desperate kind of passion.

When she pulls back and meets my gaze, her eyes are smoldering.

"...I haven't had enough of this...of just us."

I lift a hand to cup her face and stroke her cheek bone with my thumb.

"Does that make me selfish?"

She suddenly looks a little guilty. Like she really believes she should feel bad about wanting more time for herself...for us.

I smile up at her as I answer.

"If it does, I'm just as selfish as you. That's why we're not going home right away."

Her expression changes to a mixture of excitement and curiosity.

"No?"

"No."

She looks at me expectantly. When I offer nothing further...

"..._**and**_, where exactly will we be going next?"

In response, I press my lips tightly together and quirk a challenging eyebrow.

She sits up and begins to whine like a petulant child.

"Maauuraa! Come _**on**_. You've kept me guessing about locations this entire trip!"

"Yes, I have. So, why break the pattern now?"

She scowls down at me. It's one of the most adorable things I've ever seen.

Then, her look turns a little devious.

I don't have time to ponder the scheme behind the change in her features. In one swift motion, she throws a leg over my hips and straddles me. She places her fingers at my sides and hold them still.

Her voice is playfully menacing, laced with just a hint of amusement. She articulates her inquiry very deliberately.

"Last chance, Maur. Where are we going next?"

She's trying to be intimidating...and she's succeeding, just not in the way I'm sure she's intending. I can't think of much apart from the fact that her pelvis is providing a delicious pressure to my own. I can't seem to formulate a response.

When I fail to acknowledge her question, she begins to move her fingers over my body in an attempt to tickle the answer from me.

It tickles alright. Again, not where I'm sure she means for it to.

Instead of laughing, giggling, and begging her to stop...my head falls back, my eyes close, and a full bodied moan escapes me.

She immediately halts her assault.

I lift my head back up to look at her.

I can practically see the proverbial light bulb flicker on above her head as she takes a moment to evaluate our position. Her eyes become impossibly dark as she rakes her gaze over my scantily clad form. I feel arousal coming off her in waves.

Just when I think she's on the verge of ravishing me, she shakes her head and smirks.

"Nice try. No changing the subject, Doctor."

Well...if my reaction had indeed been a ploy to distract her from the matter at hand, the yes, it _**would**_ have been a nice try.

"C'mon Maur. Please? What are we doing after we leave the island?"

She uncharacteristically lets her bottom lip jut out in a pout and I fight the urge to sit up and pull it between my teeth.

After making a show of contemplating, I eventually _**do**_ sit up and bring my lips to whisper in her ear.

"We're taking the long way home."

I pull back to find her lip is jutted out even further.

I don't fight it this time. I pull it between my own.

* * *

**A/N**: Hey everyone! Hope you liked the chapter. Sorry it's a little on the short side...I have a big geology test tomorrow. *sigh* The last several chapters should be lengthier. Where could Maura be taking Jane next? What other adventures could they possibly embark on? When the hell did my geology professor cover 'mineral resources and society'?! All will be revealed in time. As always, thank you so much for reading and for your lovely comments! Take care. -SJR


	11. The Writer

**A/N**: Alright everyone. I have another _**strong**_ music suggestion with this chapter. Get on youtube and look up Ellie Goulding's **'The Writer'**. This is the music Jane and Maura will dance to. It's a beautiful little song and I _**do**_ hope you'll listen to it. It conveys a level of sweetness that I can only hope to depict with words. If you haven't suspected this by now...music is a monumental source of inspiration for me (must be why I spent five years getting a BA in music performance). Sometimes I'll be listening to a piece and the details of my next chapter will unfold in my mind. I'll end up replaying whatever song it is over and over and over and over...etc., until whatever I'm working on is completed. This is the case with the chapter you are about to read. I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

What should have been an approximately fifteen hour journey, turned into a twenty-three hour ordeal. Our layover in Dubai was extended after mechanical problems arose with our outbound aircraft.

I wasn't able to utilize my family's jet for this portion of our trip, so, I purchased first class tickets on a commercial flight. Sadly, the luxury seating did little to comfort us as we were trapped in the terminal, waiting for another plane to be assigned to our flightpath.

These events led to Jane and I arriving in London, England early this morning instead of early yesterday evening.

We were exhausted by the time we got to our hotel. We showered, changed into sleepwear, slid into our bed, curled up together, then fell into a deep sleep.

We slept soundly until late afternoon. I offered to order a meal to our room and stay in for the remainder of the day, but Jane wanted to stretch her legs and get her first look at the city.

I researched a few restaurants within walking distance of our accommodations and eventually made reservations at a place that sat on the River Thames.

After freshening up, we dressed in semi-formal wear, which I packed 'just in case', and walked to dinner. The air was rejuvenating and we enjoying the lights of the city as they flickered on with the setting sun.

The establishment is cozy and the atmosphere is intimate and relaxed. Tables and chairs border a fairly large open space that is located in the middle of the room; it must be utilized as a dance floor. The lighting is pleasantly dim and a quiet hum of conversation fills the air as patrons converse over their meal.

The food is wonderful. Although, my opinion could be a little skewed by the fact that we haven't had any sustenance in almost twelve hours. Jane and I focus on eating for most of our meal, but enjoy a more engaging conversation over dessert. We talk about our time in Thailand and make plans for our short stay in London.

Our chat comes to a comfortable pause as we both take time to allow our food to settle.

My gaze drifts to the informal dance floor. There are only a few people up and moving to the music playing through the speakers, but they look content. I smile as the happy couples get lost in each other's eyes and embraces.

I would love to join them. However, I know Jane has quite the aversion to dancing of any kind. So, I am thankful for the fact that she is here and she loves me and I watch others sway to the beat.

The current song comes to a conclusion and I hear a few piano chords mark the beginning of another.

And then...something remarkable happens. It's a miracle that I didn't even think to pray for. It's a dream come to fruition despite the fact that I had already laid it to rest. It's stunning.

A hand appears before me.

My eyes fall on a scarred palm and travel up to discover it attached to an olive toned wrist that disappears under the sleeve of a blazer. I let my gaze continue it's path until it locks onto the warm chocolate eyes of my lover.

She smiles. I'm not sure if what she says is a request or demand.

"Dance with me"

Request. Demand. It doesn't matter...because I will. I absolutely will.

I take hold of her offered hand and allow her to help me from my seat.

I expect her to keep us close to our table, but she turns around and leads me to the middle of the floor. The gesture almost makes me cry.

She's proud of me. She's showing me off.

I detect a hint of unease as she turns around and moves to embrace me. She's not uncomfortable with my body, this I know without a doubt. She just doesn't dance much and I'm sure she's never had to lead before.

I give her an encouraging smile as she keeps hold of my hand and puts her other on my hip. I step in close and place my free hand on her strong shoulder.

Once we are in place and begin to sway to the melody, I feel her relax. She pulls me a little tighter to her and I get lost in the loving depths of her gaze.

Is she the most skilled dance partner I have ever been with? No. Is our dance the most coordinated? No. Is this the most intricate music I have ever danced to? No.

Is this the best dance I have ever experienced in my entire life?

Yes. A thousand times, yes.

Beautiful images flow through my imagination like the watercolor paintings of a skilled artist.

I can see us dancing like this on the numerous dates we're sure to have in the future.

I can see us dancing like this at our wedding.

I imagine us dancing like this at the weddings of our children; children that I wasn't even aware I wanted until right now.

And I can picture us dancing just like this when we are old and gray and have shared a long and happy life together.

I see the same thoughts mirrored in her own eyes.

An overjoyed tear escapes from the corner of my eye. The smile I give her must be powerful because her facial features suddenly change. It transforms from complete and total happiness to awed in mere fractions of a second.

She is astounded. She brings her hand up from my hip to my face and gently dabs the lone tear away. She leaves her fingers at my cheek and begins to caress my flesh with the backs of them.

She's looking at me like a woman enchanted.

I confidently form an opinion based on mentally observed and analyzed data. We are not close enough.

I disengage our hands and drape both my arms behind her neck. I step in to press as much of my body against her own as I can. She places one hand, then the other on either side of my hips and begins stroking my skin through the material of my dress with her thumbs.

She lowers her head and I'm almost positive she's going to kiss me, but she simply takes the opportunity to slowly inhale. She's taking in my scent, committing this moment to every avenue of memory that she possesses.

When she is satisfied, she drops her forehead to rest against my own and closes her eyes. She lets out a contented sigh.

I let my own eyes slide shut and bask in the warmth of our embrace.

We may as well be floating through the cosmos. There is nothing around us; no other entities within a trillion light-year radius. We are our own galaxy, buoyant in the open void of space, drifting peacefully, propelled by the gravity of our love.

I become aware of a sensation that brings with it an all-encompassing feeling of safety, comfort, and bliss. I still feel Jane's physical touch...but there is something more. It's like she's an angel and has wrapped her wings around me. I am encased in a heavenly asylum. Nothing in my past can hurt me anymore; nothing in my future will ever get the chance to.

She is my own guardian angel and I am her willing charge.

Our song comes to an end and a more lively beat fills the air, yet we continue to gently sway.

I form another opinion...we are still not close enough. But it seems that it's our clothing that is keeping me from the closeness I desire.

I slide my lips to her ear and whisper a breathless benediction.

"I need you, Jane. Take me back to our room."

She pulls back and meets my hungry gaze. She reaches up to unclasp my hands from behind her head and brings them to her lips to press a tender kiss to the backs of each.

She is my protector and the keeper of my heart. She is my lover and my very best friend. With each smile and touch and declaration of love, she is creating a new and fulfilling life for me.

We gather our belongings and head back to the hotel. I braid our fingers together and walk hand in hand with the mender of my broken past, the defender of my very being, and the writer of my future.

* * *

**A/N**: I hope you need a glass of milk to wash down the sweet...or a glass of whatever if you're allergic to dairy (I am). Well...not too much longer now, they'll be heading back to Boston soon. Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading. I can't tell you how welcomed your feedback has made me feel as a fanfiction author. -SJR

**Side Note**: I'm always in search of music that will stimulate my muse. If you have a favorite song or artist, (doesn't matter what genre...I listen to and enjoy everything from classical to rock to rap to electronic) I'd be interested to know what it is. Who knows? It could inspire a one-shot or short story. If you would like to share, please feel free to PM me or just leave the name of the work and/or composer in the comments section. Thank you!


	12. Tchaikovsky

**A/N**: Here we go; more music. The concert program that Jane and Maura will be listening to is as follows; Rossini: Overture to The Barber of Seville, Ravel: Piano Concerto in G Major, Tchaikovsky: Symphony No. 4 in F minor. I encourage you to listen to the pieces, especially the last. Tchaikovsky was a fairly tortured soul; perhaps his most painful secret was his hidden homosexuality. Society's intolerance, especially back then, drove him into a traditional marriage, but his preferences remained unchanged. This piece, his fourth symphony, is a musical representation of a turning point in his life; of facing his daemons. He is one of my favorite composers and this piece is among my absolute favorites. No matter how many times I listen to it...I always manage to hear something new. To all who supplied music suggestions after the last chapter...THANK YOU! I will have fun exploring and finding inspiration in the the works!

* * *

Jane and I were both eager to rise this morning and see the sites of London. I have been to the city on numerous occasions, but exploring it with Jane by my side adds a new level of enjoyment.

We spent the entire day going to popular tourist attractions. We visited; Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, London Tower and the London Bridge. We saw the changing of the guard and the crown jewels, then got some great pictures with the royal guards and on the bridge.

We ended our tour at the London Eye and witnessed an amazing view of the city. Jane wanted to go back when the sun had fully set, but I informed her that we had other plans.

These plans began with a small shopping trip to acquire formal wear.

Surprisingly, Jane didn't put up too much of a fight. It helped when I told her she didn't have to wear a dress. I ended up choosing a simple, yet elegant evening gown for myself and Jane picked out a pant suite that fit her form nicely.

We returned to the hotel, showered, and changed for the evening's entertainment.

This brings us to the performance hall of the London Symphony Orchestra.

I took a chance with this. In light of Jane's hidden appreciation for classical music, I did some research on the symphony's season schedule. I could hardly believe it when I discovered that Ravel's piano concerto was on the program for tonight's event.

We are now seated on the floor level off to one side of the hall, toward the back. Visually, the seats are not the best...but acoustically, they're some of the best in the house.

Jane seems genuinely enthused about being here. She asks questions concerning the hall, the ensemble, and the compositions. I happily answer her inquiries to the best of my ability.

Before too long, the lights dim and the concert master takes the stage to begin tuning.

Then, the conductor appears. He takes a bow, faces his orchestra, gives the opening downbeat, and the concert begins.

First up is an overture by Rossini. As the piece's main melodies take shape, I hear a quiet chuckle from Jane and glance over to see a smile on her face. I'd ask her what was so humorous if it weren't highly inappropriate to talk during the performance. The work is short, but very enjoyable.

Next on the program is the Ravel concerto. The pianist walks out on stage and takes his opening bows, then situates himself on the bench. The conductor starts the piece. I hear Jane give a sigh as the work unfolds. She takes my hand and gives it a squeeze before relaxing further into her seat.

The pianist is outstanding; commanding authority over the instrument in front of him, the orchestra, and the audience.

I smile to myself as I remember this piece being played at the hands of my best friend. Jane was so hurt. She had been shattered under the weight of her burdens. She was a shell of her former self. I honestly thought I had lost her.

But now, she's here...with me...holding my hand. She's happy and whole.

I fight back a few tears and give her hand a gentle squeeze of my own.

As the Ravel comes to an end, the audience applauds and gives the soloist a standing ovation.

At intermission, Jane turns to me and begins to excitedly discuss the events so far. My heart swells at her obvious exhilaration. She practically swoons over the soloist's technique and emotive performance. She then goes on to explain that she could picture Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd running around the stage during the overture. The reference is beyond me, but I laugh anyway.

When the break is over the orchestra takes the stage once more and begins the final piece.

I remember the first time I heard this composition; it was an incredibly powerful experience. The first unison chord and rhythmic pattern immediately capture your attention. Other instruments of the wind section join in to add further depth and character to the renowned 'fate motive'. This motive is the seed of the entire symphony. It is representative of the force which impedes the acquisition of complete and untainted peace and happiness.

Tchaikovsky takes his audience on an incredible journey using complex rhythms and harmonies, as well as sweet and triumphant melodies. However, the listener's expedition is interrupted a final time in the last movement when 'fate', once again, intervenes.

In Tchaikovsky's own words...

"_Hardly have you managed to forget yourself and to be carried away by the spectacle of the joys of others than irrepressible fate again appears and reminds you of yourself."_

The maestro cuts off the final chord and the audience erupts in praise. We are on our feet, providing a standing ovation before the reverberation has a chance to settle in the cavernous room.

I look over at Jane to gauge her reaction to the work...she doesn't return my gaze. She's looking at the stage and clapping, but her mouth is pressed together and I can tell that her thoughts are miles away.

After all of the bows have been taken, the applause dies down and patrons start to file out of the hall. I have to touch Jane's arm to get her attention.

She startles out of whatever trance she has been in and gives me a half smile.

I can't decipher the expression on her face, but it's definitely not the happy or excited one that I had hoped for.

"Are you ready to go?"

She looks around and seems to be surprised at how empty the hall has gotten.

"Oh...sure. Let's get out of here."

We collect our belongings, exit the building, and step out into the night air in silence.

"You wanna walk a little before we head back to the hotel?"

I turn at the sound of her voice. She's not looking at me, but she appears to be a little more relaxed.

Neither one of us is dressed for an excursion, but perhaps a walk would help to further clear her mind.

"I'd love to."

We lace our hands together and begin a leisurely stroll. When it's apparent that Jane is not going to voice her musings, I ask for them.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

She finally spares a glance my way. She attempts another smile, but it seems forced and weary.

"Sorry. That last piece just got me thinking." Her eyes return forward

I wait...she doesn't continue.

"...about?"

I see the corner of her mouth quirk in slight amusement at my impatience. However, a frown quickly replaces it as a more serious look overtakes her features. She stops walking and turns toward me, but her eyes drop to the ground.

"Some things just won't change, will they? Some things...difficult things...can't ever completely be put to rest."

It's easy to forget how insightful Jane can be about matters of an artistic nature. She puts up such a disinterested front where such things concerned. I didn't think about the fact that she might pick up on the concept of the fate motive, much less consider how greatly it would affect her if she did.

I understand what she's saying, though. Wounds can heal, but scars remain. Time will pass, memories will fade, and images will blur...but they leave ghostly impressions on our hearts and spirits. This can be a daunting realization and I believe Jane has just reacquainted herself with it for the first time since our trip began.

I place my index finger under her chin and lift it until her eyes lock onto mine, then I press my palm against her cheek. I give her a small smile that I'm sure looks a little sad.

"I love you."

Her question was rhetorical. She already knows the answer to it. So, I simply reassure her of my love.

I hope she hears all of the things that I want to convey with those three simple words;

_I will __**always**__ love you_

_I will never hurt you_

_You are my life_

_My life is yours_

_My heart is yours_

_My body is yours_

_My soul is yours_

_I am yours_

She visibly relaxes and leans her face into my touch, then gives me a dazzling smile. I believe she has heard me.

We face forward once more and resume walking.

"My parents picked me up from boarding school unannounced one weekend. They had never done so before and I remember thinking that something must have been wrong. However, they simply brought me here to London and took me to a ballet. We went out and got gelato afterward. We spent the following few days traveling around the city together. To this day, I do not know what possessed them to do such a thing...but it's one of the best memories I have of my childhood."

I smile at the memory. I don't know what made me share it; it simply popped into my mind.

I can feel her gaze on me, but I keep my eyes forward.

She brings our conjoined hands to her lips and kisses my knuckles then proceeds to rub her thumb across them as we continue walking.

When she speaks, her voice is full of a loving and fierce conviction.

"I love you, Maura. You'll never have to be alone again. Ever."

My mind floods with a thousand thoughts and I am suddenly busy trying to analyze them all. I furrow my brow in concentration and stare down at the walkway. I am happy. I am in love. I am overwhelmed. I am just the tiniest bit skeptical. Could such a wonderful statement be true? Will I really never again have to suffer the crippling loneliness that has plagued my previous years?

I completely lose track of time.

I look up and I'm not sure where we are or how far we've walked. The crowd of people we were traveling through has dwindled to a few people scattered off in the distance. I pull us to a stop and Jane joins me in assessing our location.

She sounds a little uneasy when she speaks.

"Where are we?"

Where, indeed?

"I'm not sure. Let's get back to a main road and hail a cab. I'm getting tired."

We turn around in an attempt to retrace our steps...but our path is blocked.

I feel Jane tense up and she positions herself in front of me.

It takes me a few seconds to actually come to terms with what's happening.

I peek around her shoulder.

A hooded figure is standing just a few feet away...and it's holding a large knife.

My blood runs cold in my veins.

A husky male voice cuts through the night air like a saw cutting through bone.

"Alright, ladies. Bags and jewelry...hand 'em over."

* * *

**A/N**: The end. Ha! Kidding. I know very little about the logistics of London. If I have inaccurately portrayed neighborhoods, I apologize. Also, I think I'm going to make the next chapter M rated. If that's going to be offensive to you PLEASE LET ME KNOW! If it's displeasing, even for just one reader, I will not do it. But I won't know unless you tell me...either leave a comment or PM me. I know the rating on this fic is T and I really don't want to make anyone mad. Thanks so much for reading and for your continued support! -SJR


	13. It's the Adrenaline

**A/N**: Hey everyone! Thank you so much for all the wonderful feedback! Here it is...chapter thirteen hot off the press. I will go ahead and give this an **M rating**...it describes a love scene in much greater detail than I have previously written. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

Well, this sucks.

Why wasn't I paying better attention to our surroundings? Why did I ignore that 'detective spidey sense' telling me that we were being watched?

I suppose it could have something to do with the gorgeous woman in my company. She's beautiful tonight, she always is, but the way her gold gown accents her eyes and hugs perfectly to her body...it has had me beyond distracted.

But, because of my carelessness, this gorgeous woman is now in danger.

Okay. Let's asses this situation.

He's not very big...or tall. He's probably just a few inches taller than I am.

That knife is enormous. Seriously, now. Who does this guy think he is? Crocodile Dundee?

His stance is weak and I can see the blade shaking. He either has a medical condition or he hasn't been doing this very long and he's nervous.

Either way, it's an advantage for me.

He interrupts my thoughts by taking two steps forward and thrusting the weapon within an inch of my face.

Oh _**Hell**_ no.

"You two deaf or somethin? Bags. Jewelry. Let's go!"

I allow years of police training to dictate my next actions.

I slowly lift my hands to either side of my face, palms facing him, as if showing my surrender and impending compliance.

He thinks he's scared me. I can tell because he relaxes his death grip on the base of the knife by just a fraction.

It's enough.

In one swift and powerful motion, I fling my hands together as if I'm going to clap. One hand comes to the backside of his wrist and the other swats the hilt of the weapon in the opposite direction. The blade is dislodged from his grasp and it clatters to the ground.

He is disarmed, but I am not finished.

I recoil from my initial strike and deliver a back-fist to the side of his face. Before he can stagger backward, I clasp my hands behind his neck, pull down with my arms while thrusting my bent leg up. My kneecap makes bone splintering contact with his nose.

The crunch of the impact is audible.

Who ever said I couldn't clinch?

He falls to the ground and covers his face with his hands while groaning. I can see blood starting to seep from between his fingers.

I'm stuck in place.

I feel my chest rapidly rising and falling with my labored breathing, but I can't feel the relief of oxygen filling my lungs. My fist and knee should hurt from the hits I delivered, but they don't. I am physically numb.

Mentally, however, everything is in sharp focus. I have tunnel vision. The scene is playing in slow motion but my mind is racing much too fast to make sense of it all. This causes my thoughts to be out of sync.

Long story short, I am shell shocked.

Before I can regain my composure, the perpetrator crawls over, picks up his knife, wobbles to his feet, and starts to run away.

I feel like I should chase after him and I move to do just that; but a trembling hand on my forearm stops my pursuit.

I turn around and look into Maura's wide, watery eyes.

Her voice is strained and pleading.

"Please, Jane. Let him go."

It's not just her hand trembling; her entire body is shaking like a leaf.

I wrap my arms around her and pull her close. I whisper loving reassurances to her and rub soothing circles across her back.

She rests her head on my shoulder.

I can feel the tickle of her breath on my neck as she steadily and deliberately inhales and exhales.

I'm not exactly sure when my mood changes...but my physical numbness suddenly subsides. I am vividly aware of her body pressing into mine and the wonderful feel of her curves under my palms as my hands begin to roam.

I take a deep breath and allow her intoxicating scent to wash over me.

I feel guilty about my building arousal in the wake of such a dramatic event. Maura is obviously distressed, but I can't stop carnal images from filling my mind.

I do my best to wrangle my wayward impulses as I drop my mouth to her ear.

"Are you okay?"

My voice is too husky, too laden with desire to be considered a simple inquiry.

She lifts her head and looks into my yes.

She sees it...I know she does. I watch as a blush colors the porcelain skin of her cheeks.

And now I feel even more guilty.

Before I have a chance to cover my lustful demeanor with a more chivalrous one, she speaks. Her voice is calm and collected.

"I believe I've had enough fresh air this evening. Let's head back to our room."

She faintly chuckles and I'm sure it's an attempt to lighten the atmosphere.

I try to give her an amused smile, but I think it comes across as a predatory leer.

"Yeah. Let's get back."

I wrap my arm protectively around her shoulder and we head toward the sounds of traffic.

We manage to find our way back to a main street, hail a cab, and return to our hotel without further incident.

I had hoped that the journey would allow me to collect myself and calm down...but no such luck. I begin to burn from the inside out, like my blood has been laced with battery acid. I want her so badly; it's close to causing me physical pain.

We enter our hotel and take the elevator up to our floor. I have my hand on the small of her back; I don't trust myself with a more intimate form of contact. My noble resolve was weak to begin with...and it's fading fast.

We arrive at our room and Maura retrieves the key from her handbag. She unlocks the door and walks in ahead of me.

My resolve fails me completely. As soon as the door closes, I spin her around and snare her lips in a demanding kiss.

She doesn't stand a chance of matching my intensity. I dominate our embrace and push her up against a wall.

I'm reckless. My actions are too rough. She hits the wall with a thud and lets out a squeak. I immediately pull back and offer a breathless apology.

"Sorry."

She's just as out of breath as me when she responds.

"It's the adrenaline."

My brow furrows as I try to decipher her statement.

"What?"

A small smile appears on her face...it doesn't reach her eyes. It's not a happy smile...it's almost like she's come to terms with something, like she's practicing acceptance. She places a gentle hand on my cheek and caresses it with her thumb.

"This intense desire you feel...It's just a side affect of the adrenaline rush you experienced from the fight."

I pull back a little further and blink several times as her words sink in.

No.

No. No. No.

This woman is the very best friend I've ever had. She is the love of my life. The adrenaline may have made me more aggressive than I want to be, but my desire for her is based on the intensity of my love and devotion. If she doesn't know that...then I've really been screwing up.

I lean forward and she tenses in anticipation, but I simply press a sweet and lingering kiss to her forehead.

I pull back to see her watching me, curiously.

My voice is quiet, but my words are indisputable.

"No. It's you, Maura. Just you."

Her next smile almost brings me to my knees. Her eyes sparkle and I have to fight back tears. I will never get used to the fact that she wants me...that she has given her heart to me and subsequently honored me by accepting mine.

She leans in and kisses me.

I kiss her.

I am no longer demanding...I am offering. She offers right back. We each give a part of ourselves and fill the resulting voids with what we receive in return. We are two halves of a whole, coming together in a magnificent expression of adoration and commitment.

The process is indescribable. It's beauty is beyond words.

We make our way over to the plush bed and come to a stop at its foot. She breaks the kiss and turns her back to me, then peers at me over her shoulder.

"Unzip me?"

My mouth goes dry.

I bring my fingers to the back of her dress and grab hold of the zipper, then slowly pull it down and watch in amazement as a perfect canvas of skin appears before my eyes. I complete my task and rest my palms on the newly exposed flesh of her lower back.

My eyes come back up to meet hers. She's watching me, hungrily.

She gives me an encouraging smile.

I let my gaze fall once more to my hands. I slowly slide them up her back and begin to push the material of the dress apart as I do so. I reach her shoulders and help her slide her arms out. The silky gown floats to the floor, leaving my lover in just a pair of panties.

I trail feather light kisses from her shoulder to her neck, then to the other shoulder and back.

She turns to face me once more and removes my jacket before helping me out of the blouse underneath. My pants go the way of her dress and end up as a heap on the floor.

With most of the barriers between us eliminated, she slides onto the bed and I follow. Her head comes to rest on a pillow and I remove my bra before settling my weight on top of her.

The kiss we share is slow and exploring. This feels just as amazing and miraculous as our first time together. We take the time to rediscover each other's most sensitive areas and adorn them with tender, loving attention.

I eventually slide down her body and hook my thumbs in her last remaining article of clothing, then gently move it down her toned legs. When she is laid completely bare before me, I take a moment to admire her.

I must take a little more than a moment because she giggles and quirks an inquisitive eyebrow.

The expression is so sexy, I waste no time ridding myself of my own undergarments and resettle myself over her.

We're in no hurry as our hands meander over now completely naked flesh. We alter between gently brushing our lips together and drinking deeply from one another.

When our need builds to a level that is beyond containing, we shift our position just slightly.

I situate a thigh between her legs and she reciprocates. We build a steady rhythm.

What we experience is hard to put into words...

It's the rising and setting of the sun; the ebb and flow of the tides. It's water evaporating before raining back down to earth. It is a wondrous cycle where one event is dependent on the other, where the end of one course is the beginning of new one.

I lose track of where she ends and I begin...I honestly stop caring. We are two individuals writhing and pushing and pulling ourselves into a single entity.

The heat between us builds and I can feel the imminent blaze about to ignite. I bury my face into the crook of her neck and moan my pleasure. I welcome the flood of sensations as a flash burn races from the center of my very being and radiates out with an intensity that could easily eclipse the sun.

Every color of the light spectrum flashes through my vision like the intricate pattern of a kaleidoscope.

I feel her convulsing against me and she gasps my name into the stillness of the room. I slow my thrusting hips in favor of a gentle rotation.

We delicately coax each other down from our mutual high.

Eventually I roll my back to the mattress and pull my lover to rest her upper body on top of mine. I feel her shiver and I reach down to drag the blanket that's resting at the foot of the bed over our sweat slicked bodies. She lets out a contented sigh and snuggles into my side.

I can feel her body twitching from the aftershocks of our exertions and I smile as her breathing begins to even out. She's on her way to a peaceful slumber.

I whisper to her like I'm praying.

"I love you, Maur. So much."

She places a sleepy kiss on my neck.

"I love you, too."

Warm. Happy. Loved. Sated. Euphoric.

These are the most prominent feelings that encompass me as I drift to sleep.

* * *

**A/N**: There you have it. They are safe and sated. Hope you liked the chapter! Thank you so, so much for reading and for your amazing support! -SJR


	14. Disoriented

**A/N**: Alright everyone. I thought this would be the last chapter...it's not going to be. I had originally planned to make this a fourteen or fifteen chapter fic. However, I went to a nature park for a run yesterday (it was absolutely _**beautiful**_ outside) and started contemplating this story as my feet pounded along the trail. The sun was bright, the air was crisp, the deer were out and grazing, and I had Brahms' fourth symphony playing through my headphones. I came to a definitive realization...I am not done with Jane and Maura yet...I'm just not. Thank you so much for all of your support! I will never be able to convey how important your feedback is to me! I hope you continue to enjoy the work as I add another leg onto our ladies' journey! **Just a warning**; this chapter starts a little spicy. ;)

* * *

I am disoriented.

Where am I? How did I get here? What's happening?

I'm on the verge of panicking when I register a pair of hands slide up and down my bare sides before coming to rest on my hips. Strong fingers begin to kneed and massage the flesh there. The touch is comforting...it centers me.

My current position starts to come into focus.

I lock gazes with the beautiful woman below me...her irises are as dark as her raven hair. She has a grin on her face that exudes a mixture of playfulness, eagerness, and love.

Where am I?

I am in a hotel room in London, England. I am also in bed with a naked Jane Rizzoli and I'm straddling her waist.

How did I get here?

Well...how I got to London and the hotel room is clear...however, I'm still not sure how I came to be mounted atop my lover.

What's happening?

Judging by the excited hum of my body and the lustful gaze of my partner, which travels down my exposed torso and back up to my eyes, something quite wonderful is happening.

I feel a little like I'm possessed. I'm not consciously making decisions...my body is simply acting of its own accord.

No words pass between us as I begin to slowly and methodically grind my pelvis into her body. My breathing becomes almost unbearably labored in a matter of seconds and I increase the speed of my movement. I let my head fall back and my eyes slam shut as I groan at the incredible sensations coursing through me.

I feel something pressing against my back and I open my eyes in confusion.

I am disoriented.

How did _**this **_happen? I didn't even feel us move...

Jane is on top of me, smiling widely. She peppers every inch of my face with cherishing kisses before claiming my lips with her own.

Tricky.

Tricky, tricky, tricky...

I want to break our kiss and ask her how she changed positions so drastically without me noticing...but I don't...I actually find that I can't.

I blink my eyes. Just _**one**_ blink...they're closed for literally a fraction of a second.

...I am disoriented...

How...in...the..._**world?**_

Jane's face is no longer above mine, but settled between my thighs. She's fixing me with a voracious expression as she gazes up at me.

My heart rate sky rockets and my blood boils. I am a live wire at the edge of a pool of water...an open wound surrounded by salt...a delicate structure in the path of a mighty hurricane; it's not going to take much to induce a dramatic response from me.

Jane maintains eye contact as she reaches up, laces our fingers together, and presses our palms flush against one another.

She winks, then lowers her head.

I am falling.

Wait...I'm falling...?

Have I mentioned lately that I'm disoriented?

The first thing I notice is a dull pain on my backside. I let out a surprised yelp and look around, frantically trying to evaluate just what the heck is going on.

I am on our hotel room floor, half tangled in a bed sheet. I can see the dim light of morning shining through the drawn window curtain. I turn my head and look at the mattress that is now slightly above me.

Jane is not there...I am alone in the room.

It would appear that I fell off the bed in the midst of an erotic dream.

I feel a blush warm my cheeks. I'm not embarrassed about having such a dream...I'm not embarrassed at all. I just really, really, _**really**_ need Jane right now.

My ears pick up the faint sound of water running and I notice a light coming from under the bathroom door.

She's taking a shower.

I don't bother with finding something to put over my nude form...I won't be needing it. I spring from the floor, glide into the bathroom, and step into a warm shower with my surprised but happy lover.

After all...I need a shower this morning as well.

Maybe she'll help me wash up...

Hours later, we are on the top deck of a tourist boat that is cruising along the Thames River.

We are standing at the bow of the vessel. I have my hands resting on the railing in front of me and so does Jane. She's standing behind me with her arms on either side of my body. Every so often she'll drop a kiss to the top of my head and whisper sweet nothings into my ear.

This is such a simple but incredibly tender example of our new relationship. If someone asked me a few weeks ago whether or not Jane was capable of doting over _**anyone**_ like this, I would have giggled and offered a definite 'no'.

I suppose the joke would have been on me.

Our morning shower session got a little out of hand and we nearly missed the cruise's departure from port. I'm happy we made it...it's very enjoyable to see the sights of the city like this.

There she goes again.

A gentle kiss is placed on the crown of my head and her lips come to my ear.

"I love you."

The warmth of her breath and words causes me to shiver.

She presses a little closer to me, wraps her arms around my waist, and rests her chin on my shoulder.

It's still hard for me to believe that Jane and I have actually embarked on an intimate relationship. I thought she was like my proverbial unicorn. Something that I could look at and admire from a distance, but never really be able to have as my own.

Yet, here she is. My mystical being, wrapped around my body like a blanket.

The process that led us here was not easy to go through. It involved years of sustaining a great deal of physical and emotional damage.

You see...Jane and I each have jobs to do. Our jobs are critical to the safety and well being of others. Fortunately, we are both highly skilled in our professions. _**Unfortunately**_, our skill does little to dampen our personal pain and torment.

We witness and must investigate an obscene amount of heinous actions which are committed by fellow human beings. Some of these cases are so brutal...so sick and twisted...its only natural to feel a complete and total aversion to them.

However...there is a job to be done. Innocent people depend on our ability to handle such situations.

So, we suppress the part of us that is sickened and saddened and angered by what we come across. As time has gone by, we have become skilled in the process.

The _**real**_ problem occurs if, in an effort to contain all of the negativity, you bottle your emotions and never deal with the effects they cause on your spirit.

Like Jane does.

Pain and sadness and anger are the emotional manifestations of your humanity. Emotions, both good and bad, make people _**human**_. If you ignore them long enough...you eventually lose a part of yourself.

I have learned how to compartmentalize my feelings during a case; it's what makes me seem somewhat cold and indifferent at times. I secure my humanity and keep it safe from the horrors that I have to closely analyze and examine. However, I always go through a thorough 'decompression process' where I take careful note of my state of mind. It is a process that revitalizes me and gets me ready for the cases to come.

Jane, on the other hand, takes her human aspects by the scruff of the neck and holds them under water. She doesn't just suppress them, she smothers them. When her emotions get in the way of her work, she nearly kills them...thus, nearly killing the nature of her very being. When the case is closed, she drags the remnants of her humanity back home and does just enough to resuscitate it...but over time it became weak.

After the case with Lacy...she nearly let it die completely.

She's much stronger now, it's apparent in her every mannerism. But sadly, her struggle is not over. So long as there is evil among men, we will both continue to be subjected to events that force us into agonizing situations.

However, I will remain by her side. When she loses herself...I will remind her of the fighter that she is.

As we have come together on this journey, she has gifted a part of herself to me. This part of her, I will cherish, and nurture, and keep safe and alive within myself. At any point in the future, when her spirit is weak and her heart is broken, I will simply lend this essence back to her until she remembers who she is. When she regains her strength, I will retrieve what I gave and continue to keep it safe.

I will do everything in my power to keep her from suffering. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she will do the same for me.

She places a kiss on my temple and her voice startles me out of my thoughts.

"What's going on in that beautiful mind of yours?"

I smile.

"Just thinking. You know, we fly out tomorrow."

She places a kiss on my neck and inhales deeply.

"Is that right? Mmm...you smell amazing."

I giggle as she trails her nose from my ear to my shoulder and back up, taking in a slow breath.

"Aren't you going to ask me where we're going?"

She pulls away just an inch and returns her hands to their previous position in front of me. I turn around and wrap my arms around her lower back.

She gives me a doubtful look.

"Would you actually tell me if I asked?

"No. But if you ask _**very nicely**_...maybe I'll give you a hint?"

The smirk she gives me clearly says, 'challenge accepted'.

She presses me back against the railing and leans her body into mine.

Oh my. What have I gotten myself into?

The intensity in her eyes leaves me breathless...and thoughtless...and speechless...

"Maura Isles..."

She kisses my cheek.

"...I love you so, so much..."

She kisses the other.

"...will you please tell me where we are going next?"

She leans impossibly closer and we share the same breath as her lips come within a few millimeters of my own.

I am disoriented.

In my 'Jane induced stupor', I almost completely give away our next destination. But, I catch sight of something that reminds me that this is only supposed to be a hint.

The bruising over her eye from her Muay Thai fight is completely gone...but a tiny scare is still visible.

I blink several times and shake my head while regaining my powers of speech. I clear my throat but my voice is still a little weak.

"Did you enjoy your Muay Thai training?"

She pulls back a little and furrows her brow in confusion.

"What?"

A little louder this time.

"Muay Thai. Did you enjoy the training camp?"

Her brows stay pulled together but she smiles.

"Yeah...I loved it."

I tilt my head slightly as I ask...

"Would you like to do something like that again? _**Without**_ challenging a stranger to a match and nearly causing me a coronary infarction?"

She gives a full bodied laugh.

"Yes...I think I'd like that. No infarction either. What did you have in mind?"

I smile at her before reaching up and giving her a promising kiss. After a moment, I pull back and whisper against her lips.

"That's all you get, detective."

* * *

**A/N**: Any ideas? Where do you think they're heading next? Anyway...I want to mention that updates may not be as frequent. I've started training for an upcoming career change (hence the running) and will be very busy trying to get ready for the next six months of my life. I'm actually very excited. I have been accepted into my city's police academy. Starting in June, I will begin training to be a police officer! If you're wondering how or why a professionally trained musician with a BA in music performance and a job in a professional symphony wanted a to be a cop...you're not alone...everyone does! Long story short...law enforcement runs in my family. As always, thank you for your comments and support! I received notification that this story was nominated for a...Rizzles Award...? I didn't even know there was such a thing! I am absolutely honored. All of you...every single one of you...are completely amazing and I'm honored to have you as readers! Your support is more of an award than I could ever hope for! Take care! -SJR


	15. Feel

**A/N**: Sorry about the delay. Finals...academy preparation...rehearsals...travel...life...*sigh* Thank you for all the comments from the last chapter! We had a guest come close to guessing this step in Jane's and Maura's travels with Judo...but hats off to mrj726 who guessed correctly! The fitness facility I describe in the chapter is actually the Brazilian Top Team Training Academy...but they don't allow women in...so I thought I would put it under the control of Royler Gracie. Hope you all enjoy the chapter!

* * *

We've been in Rio de Janeiro for a few days now, exploring the neighborhood around our hotel, seeing some of the sites, but mostly taking the time to recover from the flight.

Good lord...that flight.

It took a little over twenty-six hours to fly straight from London to this Brazilian city. I don't know how the people in coach survived. Even with our fancy accommodations in first class, I was going out of my mind. At one point, I considered opening the emergency exit and jumping out.

But, we're here now.

The city is incredible. It's been built into cliffs and mountains and around lagoons; all in the midst of a tropical forest. The city is rough and vibrant; it is in obvious decay but thriving at the same time. Hotels and apartments shoot up out of sheer rock faces and the slums creep up toward them like lichen. The crowding reminds me a little of Thailand, but I'm much more relaxed now than I was back then. I'm able to enjoy myself much more.

On our third morning, Maura woke me with a kiss and breakfast in bed. She told me that I had a busy day ahead of me and wanted to make sure that I had 'adequate sustenance'.

We got ready and after a short but scenic trip through part of the city, we arrived at an enormous fitness facility; it easily filled a city block. It was luxurious, complete with; tennis courts, swimming pools, workout rooms, and a restaurant. As we exit our vehicle and walk in through the main entrance, I catch sight of a large emblem that reads, 'Gracie Jiu-Jitsu Rio de Janeiro Brazil.

This brings me to my current state of awe.

No way.

She's brought me to a _**Gracie jiu-jitsu camp!**_

I stop in my tracks and reread the banner a few more times out of disbelief.

I first heard of jiu jitsu and the Gracie family through the world of mixed martial arts. I like keeping up on the sport, mostly because I really admire the time and effort that the fighters dedicate to their disciplines. I remember the first time I watched a Gracie fight in a _vale tudo_, or 'anything goes', match. He went up against a mammoth of a man. It was literally like watching David and Goliath on pay per view. The much smaller Gracie twisted and manipulated the giant until he eventually won the fight by submission. And that was it...I was a jiu jitsu believer.

I had always wanted to start training back in Boston, but time just got away from me and I never pursued it.

Maura's hand on my elbow pulls me from my stupor.

"Jane? Do you like it?"

I turn to her. She's sporting a hopeful smile but her body language betrays her uncertainty.

"You brought me here to train jiu jitsu at a Gracie camp?"

She nods her head.

"Yes. Royler Gracie is the son of the world renowned Helio Gracie and he is in charge of the Rio de Janeiro academy. He hosts international camps, like this one, on a regular basis. Fighters and enthusiast from all over the world come to train here. I've arranged for a private instructor to work with you for the next few days. Is that okay? You don't have to if you don't want to, of course."

Her face has fallen and she now looks downright nervous.

I realize that my shock has kept me from showing my happiness and excitement. A smile breaks out on my face and I wrap her in a hug.

"I love it. This is absolutely _**amazing**_, Maur."

I pull back and look down at her.

"Thank you, so much. For everything."

She lets out a small relieved sigh and gives me a pleased smile.

I'm tempted to lean down and kiss her...just a quick little innocent peck...but before I can act, she takes hold of my hand and starts to pull me toward a row of tables on the other end of the room.

"Lets find out where you need to check in at."

One check in, one hour, and one generic uniform later, I find myself in a large open room that is covered in mats and padding. It's the main training area for the jiu jitsu fighters. I sit down on the floor and begin to stretch.

There are about twenty other people sharing the space with me. Small groups of three or four of them appear to have matching uniforms and I assume that they are part of a team...more than likely here to work with an instructor as a crew.

I peek over and catch sight of Maura. She's sitting in stadium-like seating that overlooks the massive area. She waves enthusiastically at me when our eyes meet and I smile in response before turning my attention back to warming up.

After several more minutes, a man about my height and weight steps up and introduces himself as my coach. I'm pleased to find that he is fluent in English and his accent is not hard to understand. He makes sure that I finish stretching properly, and then we being.

Okay. So...jiu jitsu isn't one of my strong points.

Within seconds of hitting the mat, this man starts wrenching my joints and contorting my body in ways that I didn't know was possibly without my bones splintering into a million pieces. He should really write a book entitled, 'How to Turn a Person Into a Pretzel'.

I had hoped that the decent amount of submission training I received in the police academy would give me an edge, but my coach bypasses all of my tactics as easily as a person steps over a pebble in the middle of a sidewalk.

The whole process is absolutely incredible...albeit a little painful...

Despite the fact that I am completely and totally dominated, it is an amazing experience. I learn about a variety of different holds and locks. He also teaches me about the guard, where one fighter is on their back and trying to control their opponent with their legs, and also how to pass guard. I picked up a lot of techniques that I honestly can't wait to take home and torture my brothers with.

This first session lasts a little over two hours. By the end, I am sore from head to toe and I have completely sweat through my training uniform. However, I am happy.

My instructor praises my efforts and joins me in a post workout stretch. We start talking a little about my previous martial arts training and he's excited to learn about my time at Fairtex. He tells me that he coaches a few _vale tudo_ fighters who have trained there as well.

The more we talk, the more interested he becomes, and he eventually offers to pad up and put me through an afternoon Muay Thai sessions in place of more grappling.

I happily accept his offer. I've really enjoyed learning the strategy behind jiu jitsu, but striking is my passion.

After telling me where to meet him for the day's next session, we break for lunch. I head to a changing area to get out of my soaked uniform and into some fresh clothes before going back out to meet Maura.

I want to conserve as much energy as I can for the coming activity, so Maura and I forgo searching the neighborhood for someplace to eat in favor of getting something at the facility's on-sight restaurant. We excitedly discuss everything about my first lesson over a light meal

Just as we finish eating and are about to leave, a man approaches our table. He's a pretty big guy, but his pleasant smile and demeanor contradict his intimidating physicality.

"Excuse me ladies, sorry to interrupt your lunch. I was sitting with my family a few tables over and heard you talking."

He motions over his shoulder and I look around him to see a woman and two children seated a little ways away.

"I couldn't help but notice the English and lack of an accent. It's nice to see a few other Americans around here."

Maura and I stand and I extend my hand in greeting.

"Likewise. Jane Rizzoli."

He lets go of my hand to take Maura's.

"Maura Isles."

He steps back and nods his head in acknowledgment.

"Sam Baysinger. Nice to meet you, both. I've been coming down here from Seattle for three years now to train with these camp instructors. I swear, they're some of the best in the world. Brought my family along with me this time, we're making a vacation out of it. Where are you two from?"

I open my mouth to answer, but my response gets stuck in my throat as a little girl comes to the man's side and pulls on his sleeve. I watch as he smiles down at her, then lifts her into his arms. She throws her arms around his neck and peers shyly at me.

The change in me is so sudden...I don't have time to prepare. It's like being hit by a train while walking along a dirt path in a forest, or struck by lightning in the midst of a cave...I didn't see it coming.

Her eyes. They're so much like the eyes of a little girl that I couldn't save. That I wasn't fast enough to save. I wasn't thorough enough. I wasn't smart enough. I was not enough.

I failed her. And now she's dead.

Lacy...she's dead.

_She's dead_

_She's dead_

_She's dead_

I am unaware of Maura's response to our visitor or any of the following conversation. I am lost in a sudden flood of pain, anger, disgust, and hatred.

Images flash before my eyes like the rapid explosion of firecrackers.

A strong little child. Alive...sitting on my desk...laughing at my lame jokes...smiling...breathing.

A broken and beaten little body...bloody...lifeless...dead.

_Dead_

_Dead_

_Dead_

My mind fills with the scenes and noises of the things that I wasn't there to witness...wasn't there to stop.

She's being kicked and punched. He's pulling her hair and throwing her against walls.

She's crying and screaming and begging.

It hurts...the emotions are so intense that they cause a tremor to spread throughout my body. I think I'm going to cry...I think I'm going to scream...I think I'm gonna be sick.

I don't want these feelings...I can't take them.

Old habits die hard and I force them down. I reject them. I drown them in a pool of nothingness.

And slowly...I stop feeling them.

I don't feel anything.

This is nice. This is safe. I was on the verge of completely breaking down in the middle of this crowded dining hall, in the middle of a large group of strangers...but I'm fine now.

I'm okay...really...I am...

I'm able to direct my attention back to the conversation at hand and find that Sam and his daughter are departing.

"Well, I was going to see if you wanted to join us but I can see you're just about finished. Maybe I'll see you around?"

Maura's voice fills my ears.

"Perhaps. Good luck with your training. Safe journey to you and your family."

He gives me a curious look and I can only nod my head. I do my best to smile, but one corner of my mouth barely lifts.

He returns his gaze to Maura and speaks.

"Thanks, same to you."

He turns around. The bright eyes of his child peering over his shoulder burn in my mind.

But it's alright...it doesn't hurt...I don't feel.

Maura and I gather our belongings and head to the gym where my afternoon practice will be held.

I walk beside her without speaking. I look straight ahead and think about nothing. I don't observe my surroundings. I don't listen to the sounds around me.

I am numb. And that's okay...it's so much better than floundering in my personal torment and anguish.

A hand clasps around my wrist and pulls me to a stop.

I stay facing forward until Maura takes hold of my shoulders and forces me to turn toward her.

Our eyes meet.

I feel nothing.

I don't feel sad or angry or bitter...but...I don't feel the warmth of her touch. I don't feel the compassion in her concerned expression.

I can't feel her love for me.

I can't feel my love for her.

I can' feel.

A few weeks ago, the detective in me would be metaphorically shaking my hand and patting my back; congratulating me on a successful emotional shut down.

But it's different now. There's another part of me...a part that desperately _**wants**_ to feel...a part of me that believes that the good can outweigh the bad. It knows that loving Maura and Maura loving me is worth any amount of excruciation that life throws at me.

It's a part of me that Maura gave life to.

It's a part of me that wants to fight back.

Her voice is stern when she speaks. She's right in front of me...but she sounds distant to my ears. It's like she's talking from across the room.

"I know what happened back there. You saw her...you saw Lacy in that little girl. I thought you were going to pass out. Don't do this, Jane. Don't you dare shut down on me. Talk to me."

Her eyes begin to shine with emotion when I don't respond. She grips my upper arms and gives me a light shake.

"Please, Jane...please. Don't..."

I break out of her grasp without a word and resume my journey. My pace quickens in light of a fragile, but building determination.

I don't want the bad feelings...I can't take them. So, I reject them. I drown them in a pool of nothingness.

I can't feel anything...but for the first time, I realize that it's wrong...I'm drowning the good right along with the bad. And there _**is**_ good

This is not the way to handle my problems...this is not healthy.

It could kill my relationship with Maura.

It could kill **_me_**.

The question is...what am I going to do about it?

* * *

**A/N**: Alright, all you fantastic people. I've had an absolutely wonderful time sending Jane and Maura on these great adventures and getting them into all kinds of shenanigans...I hope you have too! However, they're on this journey for a reason. We have come back to the root issue. Jane has a lot to deal with yet and she's not sure how to do it. You see, Jane is a deep roller...let us hope one of her parents was not. (Kudos to whoever recognizes the reference!) Until we meet again. -SJR


	16. Demons

I arrive at my next training venue with Maura trailing a few feet behind me.

She calls to me, but I ignore her and keep moving. I don't look back as I begin walking toward a locker room sign. I can't take the hurt that I know is in her eyes...hurt that _**I**_ caused...pain that is _**my**_ fault.

She doesn't follow me as I enter the changing area to get into a fresh set of workout clothes.

I find myself alone in the room and my thoughts begin to ricochet off the walls.

I realize that I need to face what's happening. I need to deal with the emotions that have been festering for so long. And that scares me...because in order to deal with them, I have to allow myself to feel them.

As I pull clothes out of my gym bag and put them on, I begin to search for the place inside of me that I have banished all of my feelings to.

They have to be in me somewhere, right? After all, if they weren't, I wouldn't be having these issues.

And then, I find it...my emotional reservoir.

A sob rips through my chest and I nearly fall to my knees.

It's like coming to stand at the gates of Hell. Every painful memory...every heartbreaking moment...every violent and evil act committed by others, have all been preserved in a Godforsaken quarantine. It is an iron prison that has been wrapped repeatedly in chains and barbed wire.

The demons of my past reach for me through symbolic bars with bloodied and deformed hands and claws. They begin to snarl, ravenously. Their teeth are like rows of jagged razor blades and their eyes burn with blood lust.

They want to devour me.

And I have to let them try.

I am standing at the gates of my own personal hell...and I have to open them.

I _**have**_ to do this...because, amongst the mangled and rotting bodies of the devilish beings, I see an apparition of myself being tortured. She is my hope...my faith...my humanity...and beasts are swarming around her, violating her, ripping her limb from limb.

Suddenly, I am kneeling in front of a locker room toilet...puking my guts up. The force behind my hurling causes my head to pound, ears to ring, and eyes to water uncontrollably.

When I finish emptying the contents of my stomach and give a few dry heaves for good measure, I stand up, flush, and stumble over to a row of sinks.

I turn on the faucet, take a few handfuls of water into my mouth, and swish the liquid around before spitting it back out. Then, I lean over into the porcelain basin and close my eyes as I splash the cool substance over my face and around the back of my neck.

It's refreshing...calming. It helps me get some kind of a grip on my rampant state of mind.

I lift my head and allow my lids to flutter open. I lock gazes with a reflection in the mirror that is hanging in front of me.

The person staring back looks terrified. She is pleading with her eyes for me to not do this...begging me to just bury everything back down, throw a few more locks and chains onto the cage, and forget about it all.

Before I lose the infinitesimal amount of courage I managed to gather, I look away from her and head out of the locker room to begin my afternoon training session.

I come out into the main area and immediately work my way to the ring where my trainer is putting on protective gear.

I climb through the ropes and he turns to greet me. His face falls as he appraises my current state and he asks me if I'm alright.

I saw my reflection. I know I look like death.

I do my best to reassure him and I begin to put on my own padding.

He doesn't argue with me and we remain silent as we finish suiting up. When our bodies have been sufficiently covered he comes over and wraps my hands, then helps me get my gloves on.

I can feel Maura's eyes on me...but I can't look at her. I don't want her to see the severity behind my internal struggle.

My instructor puts on his own gloves. He says that we'll be doing contact sparring, but tells me that I will dictate the level of intensity. I nod my head in response...and we begin.

At first, I am out of sync with myself. We dance around each other and he throws a few light punches that make solid contact. They don't really hurt, but they don't exactly tickle either. I try to build a rhythm and simply allow my body to do what it knows how to do...but I'm distracted.

I feel my demons claw at me from inside. It's like...now that I have acknowledged them, looked into their eyes...they will no longer be ignored.

So, I do the only thing that I can think of. I let one out.

It manifests before my very eyes. The face of my trainer distorts...his gloved hands become disfigured.

In a matter of a few seconds, I am standing in the ring with a monster.

It's Lacy's father...it's Charles Hoyt...it is an embodiment of so many evil things from my past. Its face is in constant flux; morphing into some of the most evil people I have ever encountered in my life.

Fear spreads through me like wildfire. It takes almost all of my strength to keep from jumping off of the platform and running for my life.

But then...something changes.

The creature steps forward and delivers a blow, square to my nose. If I had moved, just a fraction...rolled with the punch the tiniest bit...I wouldn't have blood running down and dripping from my chin.

The impact jump starts me. Flight gives way to fight and fear gives way to anger as I begin a brutal assault on my enemy.

I can hardly feel my body moving as I switch back and forth between dodging and striking, retreating and advancing. I throw as many combination moves as I know, with as much force as I can produce.

I'm getting hit in return...I can feel it happening. However, I ignore the physical pain...there's too much emotional anguish to deal with at the moment.

Time means absolutely nothing. I have no idea how long this fearsome engagement lasts. The only thing I begin to notice is that my assailant is slowing down...it's getting tired.

I'm winning.

A few more well placed kicks and the creature goes down. I'm about to jump on it and pummel it into the ground, but its voice reaches my ears.

Odd...it sounds strangely human.

"Enough!"

I stare down at my fallen opponent. It has given up. I have won. I conjured this tormentor and then successfully eradicated it from my body.

I am less burdened. I feel lighter.

I feel...much better.

Slowly, the face of my instructor fazes back into place. He's looking up at me with a mixture of surprise, respect, and a hint of uncertainty.

I shake my head a few times and offer him my hand. He grabs hold and I pull him to his feet.

"Very good Miss Rizzoli. We should continue these sessions for your remaining time here. Do you agree?"

Do I agree? Yes. Yes I really, really do. I feel like I've just recovered possession of my human facilities...but I know this war is not over. My other demons are still caged within me...impatiently pacing, raking their claws against the bars of their cell, waiting for their opportunity. And I will give them their chance, but that will be a fight for another day.

I nod my head in affirmation to my teacher, then bow to him in respect. He returns the gesture and begins to clean up our ring.

I turn around and catch sight of Maura. She looks as tormented as I felt before the fight started. Her eyes glisten with tears that she doesn't allow to fall and her jaw is tightly clenched.

Despite her obvious distress, she is the most welcomed sight in the world.

She's like the first breath of fresh air after escaping an underground tunnel or the first gulp of pure, cool water after crossing a blazing desert. She is salvation that has been brought to life in the beautiful form of a strong, quirky, intelligent, and loving woman.

I slowly make my way to the ropes, climb down from the raised platform, and come to stand in front of the love of my life.

Her voice is shaky and desperate.

"Talk to me. Please...let me help. I can make this better. I can fix you."

I place my hands on her shoulders and give them a comforting squeeze, then offer a genuine smile. I place a kiss on her forehead, drop my lips to her ear, and whisper with as much assurance as I can.

"You already _**have**_ helped me...more than you'll ever know. You can't fix me, Maura...but you've done something so much better. You've helped me find a way to fix myself. I'm okay."

I'm still trembling from what just transpired and the fact does not go unnoticed by her.

"No. You're not."

I chuckle lightly, but there's not much humor behind it.

"Well, maybe not yet. But, I will be."

She pulls her head back and searches my eyes. I'm not sure what she's looking for...whatever it is, I don't think she finds it.

Despite my sweat soaked body and the thin trail of dried blood that has stopped its decent midway down my throat, she wraps her arms around me. She lowers her head to my shoulder and nuzzles her face into the crook of my neck.

She doesn't believe my statement and I really can't blame her. I've dealt with my problems the same way for so many years, of course she's going to be skeptical.

I _**do**_ have a long road ahead of me, filled with further struggle and heartache.

But right now, I am drained...depleted. I need a shower, maybe a little bit of food, and rest.

More than anything, I need to be wrapped in the warm and all-encompassing embrace of my lover. I just battled a devil...I could use a dose of heaven to help me recover.

I bring my nose to the side of her head and inhale the therapeutic fragrance that is so distinctly her.

"I love you so much. I _**need**_ you so much."

And it's true. I may have found a way to manage my despair, but I will always need her in my life...she is my everything, my forever.

She lifts her head and meets my eyes. She brings a hand to my face and wipes away tears that I didn't realize I had shed.

I turn my cheek into her touch and she cups it in her palm. She gives me a soft kiss.

"Let's get you back to the hotel."

Her voice is like deliverance.

I don't bother with changing back into street clothes. I simply remove my sparring gear, pick up my gym bag, say a final farewell to my coach, and we head out. I'll get cleaned up when we get back to our room.

As we walk out of the enormous establishment and toward our waiting escort, I throw my arm around Maura's shoulders and she wraps her own around my waist. I turn my head and place a firm kiss to her crown.

She tucks her head into my shoulder and whispers.

"I love you, Jane."

I smile as a revitalizing sensation radiates from my chest and seeps into my extremities.

It will take time...and a lot of work...but, I'm going to be okay.

* * *

**A/N**: Alright...went a little darker with this one. It's partially due to Igor Stravinsky's _The Rite of Spring_. Nothing like the musical depiction of a sacrificial virgin, dancing herself to death, to put you in a dark kind of mood. Anyway, Jane has found a means of managing her torment. She still has a lot of work to do...but she knows how to go about it now. We've been building up to this point for the past several chapters and I hope you all enjoyed the release. As always, thank you so much for your support; it means the world to me. I may have a way with words (sometimes at least) but I can't seem to find any that adequately convey how much I appreciate every single one of you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. -SJR


	17. Questions, Answers, and Sex

**A/N**: Gonna give this an M rating...although...you may have figured that from the title.

* * *

It's our last day in Rio de Janeiro. We are departing tomorrow afternoon on a return flight to Boston.

We _**should**_ be out enjoying the city. We should go see a few more sights, soak up some sun on one of the city's many beaches, or experience more of the culture.

But we're not doing any of those things...and I'm not sure we're going to.

I woke this morning to the sight of Jane, propped up on her elbow, gazing at me with an enamored expression. She looked magnificent as beams of light shone through our bedroom window and lit up her face.

I didn't care how silly the idea was...in that moment, I believed that she was made of sunshine.

As my eyes opened and met hers, she gave me a radiant smile. She then lowered her head and adorned my lips with a feather soft kiss. It was an innocent touch that simply seemed to say, 'Good morning. I love you.'

She _**must**_ have been made of sunshine, because that gentle contact immediately warmed some very erogenous places in my body.

She tried to pull her lips away, but I followed them with my own and engaged her in a more passionate embrace.

My lover happily complied to my unspoken insinuation and we enjoyed the slow, luxurious process of baring ourselves completely to one another.

That was almost two hours ago, yet, we are still in bed.

She's laying on her back. One of her hands is behind her head and the other is combing through my sweat-dampened hair as she peacefully smiles up at the ceiling.

My head is resting on her torso and I watch my fingers as they lightly trace the random patterns of some bruising on her ribs and hip. The black and blue patches are badges of achievement from the recent training she's received.

She has been absolutely incredible in her martial arts practices. It's fascinating to observe and ponder the changes in her as a fighter from her time in Thailand to now. Not only has her physical technique improved, but she is mentally more focused. You can see her strategizing in the ring, thinking through her physical altercations, as opposed to just throwing strikes whenever the opportunity arises.

What she has learned will aid her in all aspects of her future. Not just with fighting, but with the various life difficulties that she is destined to face.

I'm pulled from my musings as she gives a contented sigh. She deeply inhales and exhales and I smile as my head rises and falls with the movement of her chest.

I lay my palm flat against her belly and speak for the first time this morning.

"We're going home tomorrow."

She's silent for a few moments, but continues to run her fingers through my hair.

"Okay."

I can't decipher any emotion behind her response and I get a little worried.

"We don't _**have**_ to yet...if you're not ready."

I feel the vibrations of an inaudible chuckle against my cheek.

"No, its okay. I'm ready to be back."

I prop myself up and gaze down at her. She looks relaxed and happy.

She grins up at me and I believe what she said. She's ready to be back in Boston. She's confident in her abilities to face any negativity that may be waiting for her back home.

I'm confident in her abilities as well.

"Have you enjoyed our trip?"

A serious expression crosses her face. She brings a hand up to brush a vale of hair from the side of my face and she wraps it around the back of my neck.

"I don't think 'enjoyed' quite covers it. This has been amazing. I can't ever thank you enough for what you've given me."

I laugh.

It's a horrible time to laugh...but...the absurdity of the statement. She's dead serious. She really believes that she won't be able to 'thank me' enough. She doesn't realize that she already has.

She loves me.

She loves me and she lets me love her.

That is more than I could ever ask for in return.

"And just what is so funny?"

Her serious expression has given way to a pout and she juts out her bottom lip.

I should find it adorable. However, knowing from personal experience exactly what she is capable of _**doing**_ with those lips has me feeling a little...aroused.

I rake my eyes down her body and begin to massage the flesh of her upper thigh.

"Well, if you're _**truly **_concerned about repaying me...I know something you can start with."

My gaze treks back up and I let it linger on her mouth a few seconds before meeting her eyes once more.

I quirk a suggestive brow.

Her entire body begins to flush and her eyes darken with desire.

She suddenly rolls me onto my back and begins to slowly kiss her way down my body. When she finally reaches my naval, she glances up at me.

Her voice is a delicious cocktail of lust and playfulness.

"Well, I suppose it _**would**_ be a start."

She winks, then drops her head and continues her path.

I let my fingers thread through her raven locks as she begins to work miracles on my wanting body.

Our conversation comes to a definite end. The only sounds in our room for the next long while are those of our love making.

* * *

I love seeing the usual 'perfectly put together' medical examiner like this. She is mussed from the morning's activities. Her expensive wardrobe has been abandoned in favor of nothing more than a blissful smile and her porcelain skin is decorated with a few marks from my loving ministrations.

We're laying on our sides, facing each other. We've just woken up from a short nap.

"When did you know you loved me?"

Her voice is slightly gravely from sleep, but it's still one of the sweetest sounds I've ever heard.

I take time to carefully consider my answer. I am, after all, speaking to Dr. Maura Isles. She'll want something in depth...she likes details.

"I knew something was different about you from the moment we met."

I smile and laugh as I think back to the day.

"It was such a weird way to come into each other's lives. But, I guess that's pretty much symbolic of our relationship. It's always been very...unique."

She giggles and playfully swats my arm.

My tone turns wistful as I continue.

"I could tell...in that one, random interaction...that you were going to be important to me. I didn't know _**how**_ important until a little later...but...I suppose I knew I loved you not long after we met."

She leans in and gives me a quick kiss.

She pulls back and I ask in a playful manner...although...I _**am**_ genuinely curious.

"So what about you? When did you realize that my intelligence, charm, and _**insanely**_ good looks had swept you off your feet?"

She smirks and reaches for my hand, which had been resting on my hip. She looks down as she laces her fingers with mine and responds.

"It's hard to tie it to an exact date. My heart knew I loved you before my mind did. I've never been well versed concerning matters of my own emotions...so, when my mind finally realized what my heart was trying to tell me, it was a 'duh' moment, as you might say. I wish I would have acted on my feelings sooner...seeing now what I could have had back then."

I lift the back of her hand to my lips and give it a soft kiss.

"I think our relationship developed the way it was supposed to. I'm not sure I would have been ready for something this intense at that point in my life."

As I say this, I disengage our hands and place mine against her cheek, then trace her lips with my thumb. She kisses the pad of the appendage and I feel her face begin to warm beneath my palm. She scoots closer, tangles our legs together, and kisses me with unmistakable need.

The conversation is over.

And so is nap time.

* * *

We are well into the afternoon hours. Yet, we remain bed bound.

Jane's weight on top of me feels amazing. It's like being under the safest and most comforting blanket that was ever created.

Earlier, we got up to stretch our legs and order room service. We ate a light meal, but returned to bed soon after.

After our most recent bout of physical exertions, she collapsed in place and didn't have the energy to roll off of me. I didn't mind at all and happily settled underneath her as she rested.

She's now laying on top of me...for the most part at least. She's settled herself between my legs with her belly pressing into my pelvis. Her head is resting just beneath the swell of my chest and her face is turned to the side.

I let the fingers of one hand play with her hair, while the fingertips of my other lightly ghost over the skin of her back.

She hasn't said anything in a while and her breathing is steady and even. I can't see her face, but I'm almost sure she has fallen asleep.

However, her voice interrupts the silence.

"Have you ever thought about...having kids?"

The question takes me completely by surprise. It's something I would expect to be asked by Jane's mother, not Jane herself.

I remain silent as I stare down at the top of her head in slight shock.

She brings both hands to my stomach and lays them flat atop each other, then lifts her head and rests her chin on them. She gives me an encouraging, if not slightly insecure, smile. I realize that it took courage for her to make this inquiry...it is certainly out of character for her. But, I also realize that no matter how I answer, she will not judge me or be disappointed...she will love me no matter what.

I take a cleansing breath and answer honestly.

"Not very often. Children are generally something one thinks about when in a committed and stable relationship with a partner. I haven't had much success with such things."

She drops her eyes and purses her lips. She seems to carefully consider my statement.

Her gaze meets mine once again and she asks...

"Do you _**want**_ kids?"

Now there's a good question.

I really hadn't thought much about procreating. In the past, I considered children to be a viable life option...much like building a career, buying a car, or owning a home. I've just never really _**wanted**_ them, never had the maternal drive that so many women speak about.

But Jane has changed that.

In the matter of a few short weeks, I am able to envision what our lives would be like if we had a family.

I can see myself nurturing our kids' analytical abilities and teaching them an obscene amount of facts that will make Jane crazy. I can picture Jane, showing them how to play sports and demonstrating what it means to be brave. She'll teach them how to be witty and it will undoubtedly drive me insane.

We would provide them with everything they could need. We would love them and support them through any triumph and sorrow. We would help them grow up to become strong and caring individuals.

How could I not want that?

"Yes. I suppose I do."

She drops a kiss to my sternum and smiles back up at me.

Her brow scrunches and her next words are hesitant. It looks like she needs to be absolutely sure of something.

"So...you want to raise kids with _**me**_?"

I giggle at her nervousness.

"Yes, Jane. One day...I want to have a family with you."

She turns her face to the side again and begins to run one of her hands up and down my side.

"I've thought about...looking into adoption? There's a lot of kids in the world that need a good home; a safe place to grow up. I think we'd make pretty great parents for them."

I hum in agreement.

She lifts herself up a little and carefully slides her body up my own, then settles herself back down on top of me. Her face is hovering above mine and she's looking at me with complete and utter devotion.

"And then...I've thought about a baby that has golden hair with strands of red running through it. It has hazel eyes that glisten with emerald flecks when it smiles and laughs. I think about being a parent to the child of the most beautiful and intelligent woman on the face of the planet. What are your thoughts on that?"

Tears begin to silently stream down my face.

Her words are beautiful and make me incredibly happy. They paint an amazing picture that comes to life in my mind.

The scenarios I was imagining a few moments ago are now filled with the face of the child she has described.

I smile as _**new**_ scenarios form in my imagination. The day we find out I'm pregnant, the day we have our first sonogram, when we discover the baby's gender, when we hold our child for the first time...

She kisses away my tears before claiming my lips with her own.

The following love session is the most passionate we've had to date.

I feel like I'm trying to pull her essence into my body...like, by the sheer magnitude of my love for her, I should be able to overcome the biological impossibility of conceiving _**her**_ child.

It's a ridiculous notion, believe me I know. The scientist in me would be ashamed of my irrational thoughts. However, in this moment, I am a little too distracted to care.

No more words pass between us as Jane and I otherwise involve ourselves.

* * *

We needed a day like this.

There's been so many distractions on this trip...wonderful distractions...but distractions all the same.

We've been needing to talk through everything that's happened.

What better way to go about all this than a day of questions, answers, and sex?

I'm spooning her from behind and my arm is slung over her midsection. My face is buried in the thick mane of her golden locks.

I take a deep breath and enjoy the unique aroma that is my own scent on her body. It may seem a bit possessive, but I love the fact that she smells like me.

I feel her beginning to play with my fingers before placing kisses to the tips of each.

Eventually, she asks...

"What are we going to tell everyone back home about us?"

I was wondering when we were going to get around to this topic. It's an important one after all.

But, the answer is simple. There's no need to make it complicated.

I kiss her shoulder before coaxing her to roll over. When she's facing me, I answer.

"I want to tell them that I love you...that I'm going to spend the rest of my life loving you. I want them to know about our relationship."

She smiles.

She doesn't look surprised and that makes me happy. She _**shouldn't**_ be surprised by the fact that I am proud of what we have between us...that I want everyone to know that she is mine and I am hers.

"Do you think they'll be accepting?"

I detect a hint of concern in her tone.

Truth be told, I think a lot of people have been suspicious of our growing closeness over the last few years. I doubt they'll be all that taken aback.

Others, I'm not so sure about. I suspect they'll be surprised, but, I believe they will be understanding. It may take everyone some time to adjust, but I'm not too worried about it.

"I think so. Some people might be surprised...but we have great friends and family, Maur. They'll love us no matter what...and _**I'll**_ love _**you**_ no matter what."

She nods her head and gives a satisfied sigh.

My lover pushes me onto my back and settles herself against my side.

"I've missed all of them."

I smile. They may drive me crazy, but I have to agree.

"I have too."

We stay in our position for several minutes, gently caressing each other's skin and dreaming of our future together.

Her voice rouses me from my thoughts.

"We should really go out and enjoy our last night in the city."

I chuckle and turn my head to give her a seductive grin in response. I let my hand trail down and message the flesh of her backside.

"Oh no you don't, detective."

She hops up out of bed and glares down at me.

Her glare is the furthest thing from intimidating that I can imagine. It's cuter than a puppy and a kitten trying to crawl into the same sock.

I offer a pout in response to her abrupt departure from my side.

She grins and is playfully stern when she speaks again.

"Jane. We've spent all day in bed and I want to get out for a little while. There's a restaurant not too far away that I'd like to go to."

I stick my bottom lip out further and soften my eyes as much as I can. It does nothing to change her mind.

She begins to walk over to the bathroom.

"Now, I'm going to have a much needed shower before getting dressed."

As she reaches the doorway, she peers over her shoulder at my unmoving and sulking form.

"Aren't you coming?"

She winks and disappears into the seperate room.

It takes a moment for her inquiry to sink in. I was so sure that I was being shot down just a second ago.

But...

_'Aren't you coming?'_

...**_that _**was definitely an invitation.

I jump off the bed and fly toward the sound of running water.

What better way to top off a day of questions, answers, and sex...than with questions, answers, and _**shower**_ sex?

* * *

**A/N**: Hey, everyone! One more chapter left...for sure this time. ;) Thanks for hanging in there with me. I really hope you have enjoyed the work. I've greatly appreciated the feedback that you have provided. Thank you!

Before sitting down to write this chapter I watched the news, sent a text to my mom, then plugged my phone in to charge as it was almost dead. I went into another room (the window blinds were closed) and sat down at my work desk. I plugged my headphones into my computer and listened to music as I began to type. A little over thirty minutes later, I leaned back in my desk chair to survey my work...I decided to stretch my legs and removed my earbuds so I could stand up. As soon as the deafening melodies of Dvorak's 7th symphony (fantastic piece) were no longer obstructing my hearing, the unmistakable sound of tornado sirens filled my ears. I went over to my window and peeked through the blinds to find a storm-blackened sky. I immediately grabbed my pet out of his cage and high-tailed it to my apartment's basement. (I would later find out that a supercell had rapidly formed and a tornado had been spotted on the west side of my city.) My city was lucky, the most damage that occurred was caused by hail.

Tragically, another city was not so fortunate this past weekend. My heart and prayers go out to the people of Moore Oklahoma and to all those who are struggling in the wake of disaster. -SJR


	18. This Love

Jane and I have safely arrived back in Boston.

The flight...while lengthy...was as tolerable as one could hope for. Our plane landed smoothly, made the short trek across the tarmac to our gate, and connected to the exit ramp. A few short minutes later, we departed the aircraft.

We're both exhausted from our travels...but exceedingly happy with the many things we discovered about ourselves and each other.

With a small bag slung across my arm and a backpack secured on Jane's shoulders, we begin walking, hand in hand, from our arrival gate to baggage claim.

After a fairly short journey, we come to the area that separates the terminal from the public waiting space.

Jane spots a group of familiar people, a little ways in the distance. She points in their direction and I recognize the faces of a number of our friends and family.

When they catch sight of us, they begin to wave enthusiastically.

Before we cross the security threshold, I release Jane's hand and slowly come to a stop.

I am struck with a wave of hesitancy...I wasn't expecting a 'welcome home' party in the airport. I thought I had a little more time before I had to relinquish the safety of being just the two of us.

Jane turns to look at me. She tilts her head and quirks an eyebrow.

"What is it?"

She suddenly looks and sounds as hesitant I feel...

I clear my throat before attempting to calmly speak.

"I didn't think to ask _**how**_ you wanted to inform everyone...about us. There's no need to rush into it if you'd rather wait and get settled from our trip. We can ease them into the status of our new relationship...we don't have to say anything now."

I spare a glance back to our waiting group. They're looking at us with obvious curiosity.

Jane steps close to me, places her hands on my upper arms, and rubs them soothingly.

"Hey...look at me."

I don't. I continue to stare at the group and anxiety begins to creep into the corners of my mind.

When I fail to respond to her, my lover speaks again. Her voice is soft but I cannot ignore the authority behind her command.

"Right now."

I quickly meet her gaze.

"You are nothing to hide, Maura Isles. This love is nothing to be ashamed of."

I suddenly feel lightheaded. A warming sensation flows from my heart to every part of my body. My previous anxiety melts away and I revel in the feeling of Jane's hands, massaging a path from my elbows to my shoulders.

This situation is suddenly very surreal. For the past several weeks, Jane and I have been in our own world. This world provided a separate reality that enabled us to be together without having to overcome the obstacles which await us here in Boston. Now that we're back, we will have to deal with circumstances that will test our relationship.

However, despite these worries...I am overcome with an overwhelming and astounding realization.

This is _**real**_.

Jane and I are in love. We're back home and that fact hasn't changed.

It's like waking up from a heavenly dream to find that I am still in a state of pure bliss. All of the hopes and desires that we fulfilled while we were away, are still very much alive.

Jane and I are in love. It _**isn't**_ just a dream...it is an indisputable fact.

Jane and I are in love.

And we are going to nurture this love for the rest of our lives.

Her voice pulls me back to the moment at hand.

"Hey..."

I regain my focus and lose myself in the depths of her eyes.

"...are you okay?"

No. No I am not 'okay'.

I am overjoyed. I am devoted. I am ecstatic. I am committed. I am in awe.

I am in love.

Instead of taking the time to use all of these words...I replace them with three simple ones.

"I love you."

She gives me a radiant, and perhaps slightly mischievous, smile.

In the middle of this crowded airport, in front of the attentive eyes of our family and friends, Jane places one hand on the back of my head and wraps her opposite arm around my back. She carefully supports me in a strong embrace as she dips me ever so slightly backward and claims my lips in a passionate kiss.

I carelessly drop my expensive carry-on bag to the floor and wrap my arms around her neck in response.

My eyes slam shut and vibrant colors flash through my darkened vision. I believe this is what people refer to as 'seeing fireworks'.

I quite enjoy it.

It's a good thing she has such a sturdy hold on me. My legs go weak and I'm pretty much dead weight in her arms.

Before too long, she pulls her head back a fraction and whispers against my slightly parted lips.

"I love you, too."

My lids flutter open and I gaze up into the warm chocolate eyes of my smiling lover.

I'm still a little dazed. When I manage to speak, it is nothing more than a breathless whisper.

"Show off."

I didn't think her expression could get any more loving...but it does.

Jane chuckles and kisses the tip of my nose before straightening up and returning me to my upright position.

Without another word, she picks up my discarded bag and laces her free hand together with my own.

We turn back to our loved ones and resume walking.

Among our friends and family, I catch sight of; a few shocked faces, a few knowing grins, several twenty dollar bills being handed from one person to another, and one raised piece of paper that has a hastily written '10' on it.

So much for 'easing everyone into the status of our new relationship'...

...but, no matter. In this moment, I am happy and secure...for no other reason than my lover is at my side.

She is the protector of my body and soul.

She is a guardian angel.

Her once broken wings have been mended.

Our once suppressed love has been freed.

Hand in hand and heart in heart, Jane and I embark on the new and exciting journey that is the rest of our lives together.

-The End

* * *

**A/N**: Alas, we knew this day would come. Thank you so much for the support you have given me throughout this fic. I hope it has been as engaging for you as it has been for me. Thanks to everyone who favorited and followed...and also to those of you who have simply read along as the story has been posted.

I'm still planning on writing a few one shots with the music that was suggest after chapter eleven. I don't want you to think I've forgotten. ;)

Thank you to all who wished me well on my future career as a police officer. I am very excited to start a new chapter in my own life!

Special thanks to all who reviewed this story. Your words have been a constant source of inspiration and encouragement. I would like to take this opportunity to recognize you for the time you took to offer your thoughts and opinions. I respect you all so much and I am very grateful for the comments and conversations you offered.

mrj726

noblegraces

CharlieTheCAG

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Kryptochick

Crazyestfanlover

smooche

Magicfull

gari10

Rizzolisles

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YouThink

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Aquarius

Becca

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Maggiemay201

JayeIsles

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And of course, **all of the guests**!

(I went over this list several times...but I wouldn't be suprised if I managed to leave someone out. If I have...please accept my deepest apologies.)

Thank you all once again. I bid you farewell...for now. I welcome any parting comments concerning 'A Guardian Angel's Broken Wings' or opinions on material that you may like to see from me in the future. I sincerely wish every one of you all the health and happiness in the world. Until we meet again. -SJR


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